sleep...or lack of it
asher had another one of those nights...sleepless...which means i got very little sleep as well. he slept from 9pm-1am and was then up. all night. not up, up...but the toss and turn, fuss and kick, flail and whimper all night up. it was exhausting. i feel like such a crappy mama when i can't get my child to calm down and sleep. i know it's silly and i have no control over his sleep, but i still feel as if i'm doing something wrong.
at 4am, i had enough and put him in his crib. i thought that maybe he would calm down. maybe the roominess of his crib would be calming. it seemed to work, he slept for 2 hours...the problem was that i was a basket case. that was the first time he wasn't in bed with me. i have a video monitor and every few minutes i'd have to click on the video to make sure he was ok...that he was still breathing...to tell you the truth, i'm obsessive and scared out of my mind about sids. again, i know it's silly and that i have to give the worry up to God, but i find it hard to do. after losing Jorai, i'm so nervous about losing asher to sids it's crazy. i like him in bed with me because i know babies breathe better when they hear their parents breathe, plus i can hear him and see him. but, i think i finally passed out an hour into his sleep...so i got another hour in.
when he woke and started fussing in his crib, i went in, nursed him and he fell back asleep. but as soon as i laid him in bed with us, he woke back up. ugh! maybe he just doesn't like our bed. maybe i need to start putting him in his crib. i hate that idea, i want him close...but i'm also starting to lose it with lack of sleep. steve's coming home for lunch so i can get another hour in and it looks like asher just fell asleep for his moring nap...so i better go join him. let's see how long we can sleep for...pray for an hour at least...2 preferably!
at 4am, i had enough and put him in his crib. i thought that maybe he would calm down. maybe the roominess of his crib would be calming. it seemed to work, he slept for 2 hours...the problem was that i was a basket case. that was the first time he wasn't in bed with me. i have a video monitor and every few minutes i'd have to click on the video to make sure he was ok...that he was still breathing...to tell you the truth, i'm obsessive and scared out of my mind about sids. again, i know it's silly and that i have to give the worry up to God, but i find it hard to do. after losing Jorai, i'm so nervous about losing asher to sids it's crazy. i like him in bed with me because i know babies breathe better when they hear their parents breathe, plus i can hear him and see him. but, i think i finally passed out an hour into his sleep...so i got another hour in.
when he woke and started fussing in his crib, i went in, nursed him and he fell back asleep. but as soon as i laid him in bed with us, he woke back up. ugh! maybe he just doesn't like our bed. maybe i need to start putting him in his crib. i hate that idea, i want him close...but i'm also starting to lose it with lack of sleep. steve's coming home for lunch so i can get another hour in and it looks like asher just fell asleep for his moring nap...so i better go join him. let's see how long we can sleep for...pray for an hour at least...2 preferably!
Comments
There is the fear of SIDs but like you said, you have to give that up to God. I've had that fear creep up recently because I heard of another little boy named Luke who died of SIDs. I know that's a very irrational fear by association but it's there, you know? Gotta just keep praying God will keep him safe.
I love reading about this journey you are on and and it is so evident how much you love your son. You are doing a great job!
It's just a thought, cause he needs a rested mommy!