crying

my heart aches when i hear asher cry. not the fussy cry, but the all out belting from the inside cry. the 'i'm so pissed, i'm about to explode' cry. and it's usually that cry that i have no idea what to do to calm him.

this is what he's been doing lately. this is what he's doing right now. i know he's tired, but he doesn't want to sleep. his teeth hurt, i think. he's frustrated...and so are we.

i'm exhausted too. last night i went to bed at 11:30. asher woke at 1. and then 2. and he was up until 4. 4. i gave him some tylenol and he finally fell asleep until 8. today he's only taken about an hour and a half of naps. he's exhausted. his eyes are red and at times he's inconsolable.

i know how he feels. that's how i felt last night. inconsolable. about ready to crack. i had to pray for patience, because i was literally about ready to blow. i'm sleep deprived. it's been months since i've had a decent block of time where i was able to sleep. i'm starting to go wacky. and then when nights hit where i get no sleep, i crack. thank God for answered prayers. after an almost breaking session last night, i felt a piece. i was able to get my patience under control and get asher back to sleep.

but today i'm simply exhausted. the difference between asher and i, is that when i'm exhausted, i'll sleep. he won't. i get to points where i don't even know what to do. i almost feel like hunkering down in a ball crying as he lays in his crib crying. but i know that won't help either of us.

i just wish i knew what to do to make him comfortable, i wish i knew what i could do to help him sleep. my mind is a fog. my emotions are crazed and my patience is fried.

it's so strange how some nights he's this amazing little sleeper. and others, well, not so much. i think i would do just about anything for a full nights sleep.

Comments

Katie said…
Oh, you speak words straight from my heart sometimes.
Hunkering down in a ball is not often helpful to stop the crying... but sometimes it's the best we can do.
Right there with you, friend.
ShannaKay said…
i hear you! gosh...i'm there right along with you. i was ust going to email you and see if you were ok since i havent "heard" from you...crying may not seem like a good idea, but its an avenue to let go of the tension...love you and praying for you! hugs!!!!!

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