Craziness
I just realized that if everything falls into place...or connects...or comes together...however you want to look at it...I could be pregnant again in 8 weeks. Crazy. Am I ready? Would I ever truly feel 'ready'? There are parts of me that feel ready. And thinking that I would have an additional 8 months after that I think we'll be set...but Crazy. Can I handle 2 living children? I feel as if I'm just getting the swing of things, but I hear the second child you bring home is tons easier in the sense that it's not all so new. You know more, you're not so nervous and fresh. I guess it just seems so crazy to think about it.
Last year I was still worried that I'd lose Asher too. There was a part of me that never thought I'd deliver a living child, and now I'm thinking about carrying another baby. Will I be as apprehensive as I was with Asher? Will I be checking for blood every minute of the day? Will movement and pangs and emotions take over my life again or will my apprehensions be lessened with the day to day ongoings of Asher? It's all so crazy to think about. I'm excited about the possibility of getting pregnant again, but I'm apprehensive about it. Could I go through another loss? Is it worth it? I know that sounds horrible to say, but losing a child is gut retching. I seriously don't know if I could go through it again. I think it would change me in ways I'm not ready for. But is the joy and blessing of another child worth the risk?
I want so much to give Asher a sibling. It would bring me so much joy seeing him play and grow and learn and love a sister or brother. I want so much to blessed with another living child. To love another child and watch them love, would be incredible. Can I do this? In 8 weeks, can I really do this? I mean I know it'll probably take us a few months to actually become preggers, but am I ready for the pregnancy? Can I handle it?
I can't believe that Asher will be 1 year old in 7 weeks. 7 weeks! This past year has been a whirlwind. It seems years since I was last pregnant and yet it was only a few months ago. I would absolutely love to be pregnant again, to give birth again and to watch another child grow and learn and laugh. I can't describe how much joy that would bring me. It just scares the hell out of me too.
Last year I was still worried that I'd lose Asher too. There was a part of me that never thought I'd deliver a living child, and now I'm thinking about carrying another baby. Will I be as apprehensive as I was with Asher? Will I be checking for blood every minute of the day? Will movement and pangs and emotions take over my life again or will my apprehensions be lessened with the day to day ongoings of Asher? It's all so crazy to think about. I'm excited about the possibility of getting pregnant again, but I'm apprehensive about it. Could I go through another loss? Is it worth it? I know that sounds horrible to say, but losing a child is gut retching. I seriously don't know if I could go through it again. I think it would change me in ways I'm not ready for. But is the joy and blessing of another child worth the risk?
I want so much to give Asher a sibling. It would bring me so much joy seeing him play and grow and learn and love a sister or brother. I want so much to blessed with another living child. To love another child and watch them love, would be incredible. Can I do this? In 8 weeks, can I really do this? I mean I know it'll probably take us a few months to actually become preggers, but am I ready for the pregnancy? Can I handle it?
I can't believe that Asher will be 1 year old in 7 weeks. 7 weeks! This past year has been a whirlwind. It seems years since I was last pregnant and yet it was only a few months ago. I would absolutely love to be pregnant again, to give birth again and to watch another child grow and learn and laugh. I can't describe how much joy that would bring me. It just scares the hell out of me too.
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