11 weeks

I'm 11 weeks today. The first trimester has been dragging for me. I think it's mostly because I've felt like crud and with the nervousness about twins and still having not seen the dr., which I get to do this coming Thursday, so yea! But I have a feeling that the rest of my pregnancy is going to fly by and in a way, that freaks me out.

I've never really thought about not being able to love this new baby as much as Asher, as I know I will...but what saddens me is when I think about all the time Asher and I have together now and how that'll change. Asher and I have been joined at the hip, unless papa is around and then I'm chopped liver!, for almost 16 months now. It's just been him and I. Buds. But pretty soon, things will change and I'll be back to being held up on the couch with a crazy nursing baby
all day. I wonder how that will change Asher and my relationship. I know it'll be hard for the first few weeks/months, but I keep focusing on the future and how close they'll be, becoming buds themselves.

I'm so excited to see both of our living babies play together, laugh together and yes, even argue with one another. I love my brothers. I remember the feeling of love and closeness that I felt when I was young. I always look back to memories of me and my brothers with fondness. I can't wait to encourage ad nurture our children to have those close relationships, as I did.

So I'm looking forward to the future and trying not to worry about the nearer future. This is my mantra.

Comments

Katie said…
Oh, it's tough in the beginning - but you'd be surprised how quickly you melt back into the role. And really - it's such a good (although slightly bittersweet) thing to watch your not-so-little one love and be loved by other people. As much as I'd love to be everything Hazel ever needs - I KNOW that is not possible. She'll have others - parents of friends, teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, cousins... lots of people to love her and teach her. And she needs that. Remembering that helped me through those first foggy days of being couchbound with the nursing newborn. And we're still best buds - we just have another gal in the club now! :)

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