J.G.
After Jorai passed, a wonderful women who follows this blog, gave us a stuffed giraffe. She said that it reminded her of Jorai, because she remembered the post of the pictures we hung in the nursery. One of the pictures was a mama giraffe bending down to kiss her baby on the head. As soon as I read the note that came with the giraffe, I was touched. I bawled. It was one of the most thoughtful gifts we got and I've treasured it. Thank you Cindy.
When Asher came into our lives, I wanted so badly for Asher to love the giraffe as much as I did. I wanted it to be his playmate, but it was always only me, encouraging the bond. It spent every night, sleeping along side Asher since he was little, but there was never a need to 'remember' it, as he could really care less.
But then last December, Asher 'found' his friends. He has 3 friends. Turtle, ostrich and J.G., the giraffe. We call the giraffe J.G. after Jorai. Jorais' giraffe. Every day he asks about Turtle, ostrich and J.G. Every night he has to sleep with them. It's really quite cute.
Tonight, as I laid Asher down he cried out "J.G.?" As I handed him that little stuffed giraffe, the one I so desperately wanted him to love as I did, I watched him cradle it in his arms and then bring it up for a quick kiss before falling to sleep.
I don't know why that brings me so much joy. It's just a silly little stuffed giraffe...but I guess it's a small little piece of Jorai. A small piece, that Asher can hold on to and love. Him loving that stuffed giraffe, in a way, makes me feel that he gets to snuggle a bit with his big sister. And that's a joy I can't explain.
I wish we had something like that for Selah. I want Asher to have something. I need to start looking. We lost Selah so soon. My mom had already finished Jorai's blanket when we had lost her, so we have that...but we don't have a blanket for Selah. We have a quilt a friend gave me...but that's for me. I want something for Asher. But then, it kind of makes me feel a bit silly too...giving my son a silly inanimate object to cuddle with because he can't cuddle with his sisters...but really, that's all that we have. I hate to admit that...but it is. We have J.G., Jorais' blanket, 2 painted boxes filled with blood stained clothes and tiny crocheted blankets, a few photos and 2 bags of ashes. I hate that.
Asher's been holding his friends hands lately and I love it. But I have to say that when he grabs a hold of his girl friends hand, reality sets in. Seeing him from the back, holding the hand of a little girl...I can't help but let my mind wander. He'll never know the warmth of either one of his sisters hands. Today someone asked him if one of his friends was his sister. What a stab to the heart.
I guess that's why it almost brings me to tears, to see him kiss and cuddle with that silly little giraffe. Not that he knows what the giraffe means to me...or that it brings him closer to his sister...but for me, it brings a little joy into my heart.
When Asher came into our lives, I wanted so badly for Asher to love the giraffe as much as I did. I wanted it to be his playmate, but it was always only me, encouraging the bond. It spent every night, sleeping along side Asher since he was little, but there was never a need to 'remember' it, as he could really care less.
But then last December, Asher 'found' his friends. He has 3 friends. Turtle, ostrich and J.G., the giraffe. We call the giraffe J.G. after Jorai. Jorais' giraffe. Every day he asks about Turtle, ostrich and J.G. Every night he has to sleep with them. It's really quite cute.
Tonight, as I laid Asher down he cried out "J.G.?" As I handed him that little stuffed giraffe, the one I so desperately wanted him to love as I did, I watched him cradle it in his arms and then bring it up for a quick kiss before falling to sleep.
I don't know why that brings me so much joy. It's just a silly little stuffed giraffe...but I guess it's a small little piece of Jorai. A small piece, that Asher can hold on to and love. Him loving that stuffed giraffe, in a way, makes me feel that he gets to snuggle a bit with his big sister. And that's a joy I can't explain.
I wish we had something like that for Selah. I want Asher to have something. I need to start looking. We lost Selah so soon. My mom had already finished Jorai's blanket when we had lost her, so we have that...but we don't have a blanket for Selah. We have a quilt a friend gave me...but that's for me. I want something for Asher. But then, it kind of makes me feel a bit silly too...giving my son a silly inanimate object to cuddle with because he can't cuddle with his sisters...but really, that's all that we have. I hate to admit that...but it is. We have J.G., Jorais' blanket, 2 painted boxes filled with blood stained clothes and tiny crocheted blankets, a few photos and 2 bags of ashes. I hate that.
Asher's been holding his friends hands lately and I love it. But I have to say that when he grabs a hold of his girl friends hand, reality sets in. Seeing him from the back, holding the hand of a little girl...I can't help but let my mind wander. He'll never know the warmth of either one of his sisters hands. Today someone asked him if one of his friends was his sister. What a stab to the heart.
I guess that's why it almost brings me to tears, to see him kiss and cuddle with that silly little giraffe. Not that he knows what the giraffe means to me...or that it brings him closer to his sister...but for me, it brings a little joy into my heart.
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Cindy