terrible 22 months?

I feel like a crap mom. I know I'm not, but I feel that way because I want to just give up. I never thought I'd say 'no' so many times each day only to have it fall on deaf ears. I want to yell, scream, hit...maybe throw down for a good temper tantrum...

Asher is testing us at every turn. He runs away from us and doesn't stop. He'll inch closer and closer to the street, all the while looking at us with his 'I'm testing you' look and smirk...and if we say 'no', he continues. If we say stop, he continues. If we call his name, he continues. Nothing I say or do, changes the outcome of his behavior and I'm at my breaking point. Nothing stops him, but him. In the house, I put him in timeout (I use a pack-n-play since he won't sit still)...but when we're outside, I don't know what to do.

I feel bad wanting to give up. I feel like a failure. Then I feel guilty because unlike many of my babyloss friends, I was gifted this marvelous child and I should be happy each and every moment I have with him. And he is an amazing child...full of spunk and spit-fire and joy...but he's also filled with the dickens. Full to the rim.

I usually talk sternly to him and then explain why he can't do something. I take things away and I don't give them back. I put him into timeout. I've tried spanking him, but he just hits me back...I think that spanking may work for some kids...I'm not sure it will work for Asher.

I think I just need to leave friends and situations when Asher acts out, bring him back to the house and put him in timeout. But I hate to leave my mama time...and I need it too! Asher needs me to have it!

I don't know. Mama's with very active boys out there, have any ideas?
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Wendy said…
Kim --- I totally understand!!! Jake and Luke are the same way. I can talk, yell, scream, spank, but in time out and yet they still do not obey. And then 4 months down the road, Jake is quoting back to me what I told him all those times. Just stay faithful to your training. Believe me I know how hard it is with boys -- especially stubborn, independent boys. I keep reminding myself that when he is a man, those traits are going to be so helpful to him --- he won't get pushed over in a job, he'll be able to stand up for himself, he'll accomplish amazing things because he won't be afraid, and he'll push boundaries. Some mom told me that you won't ever see the fruits of your labor as a parent until they are in their late teens. Keep your chin up. And don't be hard on yourself. Just because Jorai and Selah aren't with you, doesn't make parenting any easier with Asher. I will NEVER question that you are not grateful that you have him.
12 April, 2010
Leesa said…
Oh boy, do I ever know what you are talking about. I'm sitting here typing this as Matt has Noah in a time out. Have you ever seen or read Super Nanny's trick for time outs? It has worked the best for us. When we first started doing time outs it would take us literally an hour for him to finally just sit there. We would give him 1 warning and say that if you do so and so again that you will have to go to time out. If he did it again, instant time out. I always tell him why he is going to time out. Sit him in the corner (or wherever) facing out. If he tries to get up, once and only once, I tell him that he is in a time out and needs to sit back down. After that, if he tries to get back up, I go over and sit him back down. Here is where you have to stay VERY consistent and not let him win. For the first couple weeks it would take a half and hour to 45 minutes of me going back and sitting him back down until he would realize that he must sit down and serve his time. Once he is sitting there on his own, and I don't care if he's screaming or crying, he just needs to sit there for the amount of time I feel is appropriate. They say 1 minute for each year of age, but I think that is a bit extreme. I go about 45 seconds per year of age. Now most of the time all I have to do is give him one warning and then count 1-2... and he'll stop. If I get to 3 then its a time out. If he does something like hit someone or something that will hurt himself or someone (pet) than its an instant time out. This is working so well for us. Good luck, on one hand it makes me feel "normal" that I see other moms feeling the way I do. There are some days that I just want to throw Noah out the window. lol Good luck! I hope he starts to calm down for you pretty soon. That is about the age where Noah started climbing all over the tables and really testing his boundaries.
12 April, 2010
Mandie Oliver said…
whoever said that just because you lost two children means that you can't have bad mommy days? whoever said that is cruel and unfair.
losing children doesn't have to equal being cool, calm and collected mom every second of the day. you are allowed to have the feelings that you have at the moments that you have them. you're a great mom, kim. don't beat yourself up for being human.
13 April, 2010
Phoenix Rising said…
Thanks ladies. You're comments mean so much. Leesa, We started doing timeouts on the stairs today. The first time took around 5 minutes to keep him there for about 45 seconds...but we ended up doing 3 time outs and by the 3rd, he stayed there!

Wendy and Mandie, It's all me feeling guilty for having a rough time with Asher after losing Jorai and Selah. I know it's wrong...but I do. It's silly and I have to let it go!
13 April, 2010
Leesa said…
Yay! I'm so glad that it is working. For us, it was almost that we had to teach Noah who was the boss. I will also put him in a time out at a friend's house if need be. If you are ever at play group with our group, never hesitate to put Asher in a time out or whatever you need to do. I was reading the comments on FB too and agree with all of them that consistency is so key. Good luck! I hope your success continues.
14 April, 2010
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