Back in the saddle

I did it. I took an ovulation test today. Today it was negative. Tomorrow, positive maybe? Who knows...but as I type this, I realize that if I get pregnant this month, I would have conceived right around Mother's Day. Interesting.

When I was pregnant with Selah, I found two pregnancy tests. I was going to throw them out since I didn't need them anymore...but something stopped me. It was if something down deep, knew that I would lose my child and need those one day. That one day may just possibly be in a few weeks...and that freaks me out.

I think I'm ready for the journey. I'm scared and quite honestly, not that hopeful...but I'm ready. I even almost bought some pajamas for a new baby today at Hidden Treasures...but then I remembered that I only bought one thing when I was pregnant with Selah...a muslin blanket sleeper. Maybe it's bad juju to buy things for an unborn child...maybe it's just bad juju for me. Alas, I put down the cute little owl sleeper, even though I love owls and Asher's room is going to be full of owls soon...and I really wanted it...I left it on the rack.

Well, so here my journey begins...here's to pee in cups and hopeful thinking. Here's to making love and keeping my legs in the air. Here's to anticipation and nervousness and freak-outs and joy. Here's to taking a leap...a leap of faith..or craziness...or love. Here's to the possibility of adding to our family...here's to the hope of seeing another child breath and blink...here's to feeling their warm slimy skin...and even getting peed, puked and pooped on. Here's to giving my son the gift of a living sibling. Here's to watching them grow up together...loving and hating one another. Here's to a healthy umbilical cord and uterus and baby.

Here's to love.

Cheers.