jobless?

31 May 2007

**mood:anxious
**noise:steve watering the lawn

so it looks like i may lose my job because of all the budget cuts from the state. which is just lovely seeing i only have 1o weeks left before maternity leave. and if i lose my job, i'll lose my accrued sick leave (about 3 weeks) and most of my vacation not to mention my short term disability of $1500 and my health insurance...i can get on steve's insurance in a month after i've been fired...it's just a crappy time...although that would get me out of my job sooner than later. but we'll lose a lot of money in the deal...my boss called me tonight and left a message to come meet with her first thing in the morning. i'll keep ya posted.

so, i'm just asking for prayers. whatever's suppose to happen, thanks

wide load

i was surprised by this. i haven't seen a picture of me since i started to pop...well it's official. i'm huge.




home stretch

**mood: swollen
**noise:hand in glove ~ the smiths

we've made it to the third trimester! wowza. approximately 12 more weeks to go. we had a check-up yesterday. my sugars are super low, my iron looks good, i've gained 19 pounds which is within range (thank goodness!), blood pressure was great and the heartbeat sounds strong. every thing's on track.

but then i got home and looked at what used to be my ankles. i don't know if it was standing on my feet too much or the heat, but i no longer have ankles :-( steve looked at me and lovingly said 'you have cankles'!. thank goodness for him i was in a good mood!

the babe is moving like crazy and that's been super cool. i'm excited for August 23rd to come but equally freaked out!

200,000 mile club

30 May 2007

**mood: happy
**noise:conventioneers ~ BNL

i've, or shall i say we've, made it. my girl has flipped 200,000 miles. steve and his car peaked the hill a while back. they're already on 211,000! but now we're there. it was a happy day yesterday. she got a little love rub.

we do need to retire one of them soon. xb...here we come!

what's in a degree?

25 May 2007

**mood: excited to get outta here.
**noise: someones playing matchbox 20 i think


i keep finding it amazing how much gusto folks put behind a college degree. i think some degrees are needed in this world. i'd like to know the surgeon or OB/GYN i'm seeing has a degree, but does it really matter if a dietitian or librarian, or even a financial adviser has a degree? We look at the letters behind someones name and it gives us a sense of comfort. to think that this person went through a trained program means they really know how to do their job. right?

what about those of us who haven't gone through a trained college yet work well in the positions we have? if a person is self and experience taught, isn't that enough? does a person need a masters degree to be qualified for a position?

i seem to keep hearing from folks 'i deserve this because i have a masters degree', 'i deserve to flex my hours because i've gone through 6 years of schooling.' (well now, i went through 6 years of schooling too...i only have a BS, but i put in my 6 years!) i was at a training yesterday sitting next to a dietitian and she asked what i did. i told her that i teach diet and exercise and basic disease maintenance. andher response was 'how do you do that?' i wanted to go off. but i didn't. what can i say. i know a lot about health. i've been health conscious for a long time. i'm self taught and since i've gotten this job, i've learned more. i don't need a masters degree to teach folks how to properly eat and exercise.

so here's my story. i graduated from a 4 year college in 6 years. i had fun and also tried 2 curriculum's. i was in pre-nursing for almost 2 years when i decided that it wasn't for me. i then went into environmental health with an emphasis in general health. my major was in water supply systems, sewage systems, public campground sanitation and restaurant sanitation. my first job was in restaurant, school and pool inspections in washington st. for 3 years. i moved back to mi and became a chemical and industrial safety specialist for a hospital. granted i had a bit of training on this in school but not much. i was super green and had to learn a lot. but i learned it. after 3 years i became a emergency preparedness coordinator. i had no idea what i was getting myself into. it sucked. it was the most stressful job i've ever had and being a very nonchalant type of person, planning was quite alien to me. although i did a great job. then almost 8 months ago, i had the chance to take this job. again, i didn't have any training for it, but I was self taught and i love to teach. so they gave me a chance and i've completely revamped the program. so where does that leave me?

i have a degree but it's not for the job i currently have. does that make me inadequate for the job i'm in. would a computer tech with no schooling but who self taught them self to be a computer master be any less worthy? why do we put so much emphasis on a degree? what does it really give us? believe me, i'm not knocking schooling. i'm glad i went to college. i learned and grew an incredible amount, but i refuse to let my schooling hold me back. if i want a job, i'm going to go for it. and if i get it and do my job well, it shouldn't matter if i have credentials behind my name.

the only thing that should matter in the work place is ethics, respecting your workmates and doing the bast you can do. why isn't that enough?

I want, I want

23 May 2007

**mood:ready to leave work

check out this sweet new office chair. this is so cool!




coolest momma shirt ever

18 May 2007

**mood:excited...i get Omi tonight!!!
**noise: the clinic

a little something i've learned from the people i work with

17 May 2007

**mood: well
**noise: complaining

if one would spend half as much time complaining about work, they would actually be able to get all of their work done.

i hear folks complaining about how much work their job entails and that it's simply impossible to complete it all. yet the same person will spend countless hours complaining about how little time they have to work. i just can't comprehend this.

i want to say something. especially when they sit in the clinic and complain about their jobs while folks wait in the lobby mere feet away from them and they probably haven't had a job in months.

but what do i say?

random acts of kindness

16 May 2007

i was reminded last saturday how important random acts of kindness are. it's been a bit of a hard road for me in regards to relationships lately. i've felt a bit burdened and broken. and on saturday a newly made friend surprised me with a mothers day gift. i just met this person a few months ago. we haven't even talked outside of church. yet, some how, she thought of me and showered her love down upon me. it made my day. it helped me realize that there are good folks out there. while i was sitting in my little pool of self loathing, i wasn't seeing much brightness around. and then out of no where came this selfless act. it was so cool. i've had a couple of random acts of kindness befall upon me within the past few months and they've really helped me through.

i don't know if you read this my friend. but if you do, thank you. you touched me more that you'll ever know. and for all of you out there that do read this, shower down upon someone. you never know, they may really be in need of some love.

i love y'all

meijer gardens

**mood:sickly
**noise:home ~ bnl

Mike wanted to take us to the meijer gardens for a wedding present. we decided to go last sunday. here are the choice pics.






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at the edge

11 May 2007

**mood: broken
**noise: some phil collins song coming from the next office over

i'm struggling with a relationship that i want to nurture so desperately yet give up on at the same time. i try and try again, yet i feel as if each time i try, i come back exhausted and frustrated and wanting to give up even more. how do you not give up on someone when it's the only way you feel you can protect yourself. what if this person hurts you over and over again and makes you feel as if it's all your fault? what if the person is a member of your family? what do you do? i look at other people relationships and i'm envious. i long to have that kind of relationship. i would do anything to feel love from this person. yet each time i let my guard down, i'm disappointed and thrown back to square one.

so where do i go? what do i do? i feel i have to keep trying, yet 90 percent of the time i try, i get crushed. how do you continue to show love to someone who doesn't show you any love? someone who just dished out sarcasm, guilt trips, sibling rivalry, and picks fights at each turn.

i keep looking at the way Christ treated those you hated Him. how in the world did He do it? where do i find the patience and compassion He showered down to others? How do i emanate that, when all i want to do is say how i feel, run away to a distant land and never speak to her again? when i've tried to talk to her about my feelings she gets mad and ignores me for the next month or two until i somehow make it back into her graces again. so talking certainly doesn't help. or at least the words i choose don't help. Christ always had these amazing cutting statements that were said in love yet still cut to the bone. how do i find those words?

i pray desperately that i never treat our children like this. i pray that all of our children feel my love and support for them every day of their lives. i pray that we never pit one of our children against the other and that all of them are loved equally and they know and feel it every day.

i don't know. i'm hurt. i'm tired. i don't want to try anymore. but i feel i have to and that sucks. i realize that i'll never have that relationship i want because i'm not the person she wants me to be. i'm me and that's not good enough. it's just a hard bite to chew at times. and on days like this, personally, i don't want to be compassionate. i want to give up and cut all ties. i wish i were more like Christ instead of a blubbering, weak little girl.

songs for tv commercials

10 May 2007

**mood: great
**noise:

i've never heard of this guy, eric o'shea, but it's just too funny to pass up. enjoy



a little in my mouth

one crappy thing about pregnancy that nobody told me about was the puke burps...pregnancy brought on an abundancy of burping and the thing that sucks about this is, every time i burb, i puke a little. it's a wonderful experience that happens all day long. this is one experience i will not miss!

just thought i'd share.

fair trade day

**mood: sleepy
**noise:wake me up ~ norah jones

calling all sprint cell phones

08 May 2007

**mood: alright
**noise: adrift ~ barenaked ladies

my phone is dying rapidly. a month ago, which just happened to be 1 year from the month i purchased it and the length of my service warranty, it started dying. the battery started to last only 4 hours or so (that's not 4 hours talk time). now i'm happy if it rings or tells me i've missed a call or have a message. although last time it told me i had a message, it came through over 4 hours after the message was left! i need to make a run to the sprint dealer to see if they can do anything but i'm assuming that will cost $$. i tried to find a cheap phone online, but unless i haven't found the right site, they all run between 150-300 bux.

so here's my plea. does anyone have a old sprint phone out there that they aren't using? i know many folks have flipped from one carrier to another after their plan ran out. if you have an old sprint phone sitting around and it works, would you want to part with it? i have one, but it's 4 years oldand has pretty bad coverage. if ya have a decent one and it's just collecting dust and want to part with it, let me know.

for all y'all trying to reach me, call steve, email me or call me at work. email me and i'll give ya my work digits.

thanks for listening.

diaper decision

07 May 2007

we've come to a decision on cloth diapers. if ya don't care abou this...ya don't need to read on!! i know i'm going baby crazy here. it may not be interesting reading to all y'all. but keep reading if you are interested!

when we were in Ann Arbor at Tree City Diapers, we got to touch and feel all the different kinds of diapers. pre-folds to pocket to all-in
-ones...it was a bit daunting. we had a specific kind in mind, but after feeling the materials, seeing the fit and getting 2 recommendations, we changed our minds.

for the first 6-8 weeks we are going to use kissaluvs with a cover. they're super soft and they even have a little snap in front to draw down the center for the belly button to heal. plus, they're just so darn cute!


then we'll switch to the bum genius diapers.

The reason we switched is I guess 4 fold.

#1. everyone we've talked to says to go with these. Bum Genius just revamped their diaper making it even better than before, and i hear they rock.

#2. they're one size fits all. so we could start the babe in these and end in these 2 or so years down the road. they can be snapped down for smaller babes and unsnapped for larger babes. with the other diapers we would've had to buy small, medium and larges, making the expense 3 fold higher.

#3. they look the comfiest. the material is soft and gushy. i want my panties to feel that soft!

#4. they just seem to be one of the easiest to use. we'll be paying a bit more than we would if we got pre-folds, but the convenience seems to win over the cost in my opinion. you place an absorbent liner within the diaper and then it fits just like a disposable. no snaps or covers. just velcro.

ohh yeah, i also found these cool biodegradable diaper liners. they look like a narrow piece of paper towel/toilet paper that you line the cloth diaper with. it wicks away wetness and with le poopy...ya just flip the diaper over a toilet and off it comes. essentially, there's no swirling of the diaper in le toilet. now, i've never used them, so we'll see when the time comes, but if it works, that would be nice too!

so yeah, that's my opinion. although it probably isn't much good since i haven't used these products yet, but from what i hear they're good. i'll let ya know what we think in 4-5 months!

baby hawk

**mood: sleepy...man, i'm sleepy too much!
**noise:a phone

steve and i bought one of these the other week. it's called a baby hawk. i can't wait to put it to use! it's a one size carrier so we can both wear it. it was an impulse buy...but i think it's going to be super cool...now it's just on to buy all the diapers!

the room is nearly ready. and although there's a lot of nervousness of what's to come (purely on my side...steve seems to be ready for it all! why is he so relaxed?!?) we're both excited for the birth of our child. feeling the baby constantly moving within me makes me all the more excited to meet her. this is such a cool process. even with the sciatica, sleepiness and the loss of my agility, it's still by far the coolest process i've gone through. life changing.

ok, i'm getting nervous

03 May 2007

on the way to work this morning i realized how crazy this whole baby thing is. in less than 4 months, steve and i are going to be parents and we have no idea what we're doing! when i got my drivers license i had to take classes and pass both a written and practical test. in order to inspect restaurants (yes, i use to do that) i had to graduate from college. but to deliver and raise a child, all i have to do is have sex.

we are going to be bring this little
innocent being into the world and i seriously have no idea what to do. yea, i've changed diapers before and held, played and babysat babies, but raised them? fed them from my body? put them in a car seat? known when they're sick and not just frustrated? NO! we seriously have no idea what we're doing here folks. is this something you just learn along the way? i mean, we're reading books and all, but what happens when our child comes into this world and the doctor places her into our arms and walks outta the room? what do i do? parenting for dummies doesn't cover this! this whole process is absolutely crazy!

we've chosen to take a few classes. a labor class, first aid care class and a breastfeeding class so hopefully that'll help. but this is really scary. w
hat if we screw up? what if we make the wrong decision, what if when out child gets older we screw something up and harm our relationship? what if we suck as parents? oye. there should be a screening process for parents and major classes should be required. can we count on all you guys to help us be good parents? will you help us when we have no idea what to do? this is so scary. i'm so excited to start this new journey and meet our child, but it scares the daylights out of me!


internet porn

**mood: sleepy
**noise: bottom of the barrel ~ amos lee

here's another great video from XXX Church.


wine

02 May 2007

**mood: sad, maybe a bit bitter
**noise: nothing


it's been one of those days where i want a glass of wine, i know i should be taking this to God and asking for direction and a way to confront the situation, but i still want wine. i don't like dealing with these types of situations and i don't like being hurt. it sucks. so instead of dealing i want to have a nice red wine please. i know this is wrong, not only that i'm going to wine instead of God but also for obvious preggo issues. but i still want wine. what is it with a nice glass of red wine and a bath that seems to ease my sadness and anger. and why wouldn't i rather go to God? it's times like these that i realize i'm a crappy christian. although God is amazing and forgiving and loving and constantly waiting for me to come crawling back...if i were Him, i would have dropped kicked me years ago. i'm glad i'm not God. because even after i've spent this time confessing, i still would love a glass of wine.

i'm glad i'm at work.

quandary

01 May 2007

**mood:poopy
**noise:the clinic

have you ever had a relative or close acquaintance go in for a lip kiss when saying your greetings or farewells? do you kiss your immediate family on lips as a greeting or farewell? how does it make you feel. is it just something you've always done? does it ever make you feel uncomfortable. what do ya do if you do feel uncomfortable about it. the quick turn of the head works sometimes, but there are also times when the person is adamant about the lip kiss and almost force you into it.

I don't like it. and I'm a very affectionate person. I'm a very hands on, touchy feely, huggy person. I even enjoy a cheek kiss or the European 'I'm going to act like I'm kissing you on the cheek, but really I'm just kissing the air' kiss. but the lip kiss…shouldn't that be reserved for my husband? maybe my kids? there's something about kissing someone that I'm either not married to or blood related to that just seems a bit yucky.

so how do I handle it? how do I avoid it? if I say something, I may offend someone. but if I don't say something, I'll continue to get a yucky feeling in my stomach every time I see off or greet them. it's got to be something that's ingrained within them. maybe they've done it their whole life. it probably started with their parents…but it's so uncomfortable for me. I mean, I would never go up to one of my close friends and lay one on their lips. that would take some guts! does anyone out there deal with this sticky situation?