ever since i started working more in hastings, a woman has begun to call me kimi. no one else calls me that. only 1 friend calls me kimi. nut really, it's just family that calls me by that nickname. not that it bothers me...it makes me feel like a little girl again, but it doesn't bother me...i just find it funny. every time this person sees me she calls me kimi. in a small way, it kinda makes me feel loved. like i've reached the rung of friendship that a nickname is required. isn't it funny how something so little can make you feel loved. :-)
28 December 2006
27 December 2006
**noise:my workmate...she's not very happy
we got our wedding photos back from Travis! Go check 'em out!
21 December 2006
**noise: the heat still...this office is too quiet!
i was just chit chatting with a co-worker about faith and church. she said that a church just doesn't fit her unless the message makes her feel guilty. this saddens me.
**noise: the heat
Steve and I went to see the Nativity Story last Tuesday. in the movie, they symbolized the "Christmas Star" as planets/moons aligning to make a bright light. Yesterday I researched this in google and came up with these 3 (of many) links. Pretty interesting and super cool. I'd never heard this before.
Read the text in the blue box near the top of the page. To go to the next page, click on the next tab in the top right corner of the blue box.Here are a few more resources.
19 December 2006
**mood:wonderful yet annoyed
**noise: electronic toy
a woman i work with has this hideous electronic santa that when you pinch it's foot, it plays 'shout' Christmas style. EVERY TIME she walks back to her cube and multiple other times, she plays it. she seriously sits about 4 feet from me.
I want to grab santa and throw him against the wall. so help me if she plays it again...
13 December 2006
**noise: crunching on carrots
go see blood diamond. what an amazing movie. finally the horrors of this atrocity have been put up for all to see. when steve and i started to talk to folks about the conflict free diamonds he gave me, so many of them had no idea what we were talking about. maybe now they'll understand.
one of the lines in the movie was something like 'If people thought the diamond on their finger may have cost a child their arm, maybe they wouldn't want it'.
unfortunately, this act doesn't just happen in the diamond realm..it happens throughout the consumer world. as hard as it is and as much as we all want to remain ignorant of the perils of consumerism, i urge you to become informed of the products you buy. Are your clothes, furnishings and household stuff coming from sweatshops? Is your coffee laden with chemicals that burn the children's bodies who have to pick the beans? that's a lot out there to learn...but i urge you to learn.
all of this and constant down slide of the environment makes me wonder if Steve and I are just being selfish to want to bring a child into the world. what will this world be when they are our age. it scares me.
12 December 2006
**noise: work mate
go rent this movie. it's amazing. and i didn't even feel like watching a documentary. i was pleasantly surprised. complete astonishment. seriously. go watch it.
tonight Steve and i are going to see blood diamond at ncg @ 6:55. if you want to come, come. we'd love to hang with you!
prayer request: please pray for our friend steven, who has just embarked on a 40 day fast. please pray for his strength and health and most of all his communion with Jesus.
08 December 2006
**noise: the copier
i think i need to blog about this...it's two fold and i'm getting dirty on this one...a bit crass..if you don't like that, don't read it.
i'll start with sexual addiction first. this is a huge problem. it's been swept under the rug for too long and i think it's time we pull the rug out from under satan's feet. this is my opinion..but i think most sexual addictions come from a hurt past. someone who was hurt sexually at any age, someone with an absent mother or father, someone who was hurt emotionally in relationship, someone who was lied to over and over again and felt they could never again see the truth in another man or woman we, as emotional, sexual beings, act out in hurt and loneliness and sometimes just to scratch an itch that seems to have been itching for years. some of us face daily addictions to porn, homosexuality, love (which we seem to seek out in poor ways)...we act out and then lie about it because it's 'dirty'. our fathers hid their porn in the basement, we hid ours our under our mattresses and now we no longer have to hide it, because it's everywhere. type one word in google and you have so many site, you can look for hours. turn on desperate housewives, men in trees, nip tuck...that list can go on and on...kids are turning to sex and porn at younger and younger ages. we have fellow Christians who are saving themselves for marriage...but where is all of their sexual tension going to? i can't even begin to tell you how many of our friends struggle with some sort of sexual addition. and this is my first point i'd like to make. porn and other sexual addictions are huge. and i thank God that we're finally getting to the nitty gritty by providing resources and small groups and support for men dealing with these issues. but are we forgetting another crucial factor here? what about women? sure, more men deal with porn issues, but many women deal with it too, and lets not forget other sexual addictions...older women seeking out younger boys, we see this with teachers all the time and the huge one that no one talks about...sex toys..i can't even begin to tell you how many single and married women i know who have sex toys. they go to 'pajama parties' to see all the plethora of instruments you can use to pleasure yourself. yeah, some will look at porn, some will sell bodies, some will seek love through sex but many, many, many women reach to the battery controlled pleasure makers for satisfaction. aren't these considered sexual addictions? what are we, as women doing to the sexual relationships with our future or current husbands if we're constantly seeking instant gratification though plastic?
i'm excited that the christian community is getting involved with these addictions, i just want to make sure that we don't skip over a crucial group of people. On the flip-side to this problem, are the women who don't have these addictions yet have husbands or other close relations to someone with these addictions. most women are completely emotional and whether they admit it or not, are totally self conscious about themselves. we internalize pain. we think it's our faults, that we're not good enough, we're not doing something, not pretty enough, thin enough, big enough...you name it, we think it. if our husbands are looking outside the marriage for gratification, it must be all about us. but in reality, it's not. it's usually hurt or loss that was never healed, self consciousness, or that was just when they did throughout childhood and the images still haunt them. so how does a woman deal with this? as Dan mentioned in his latest blog, if anyone has any resources, let us know. it's a hard nut to crack. As women, as much as we want to support our loved ones going through this, it makes us feel completely inadequate, unloved, unwanted and alone. so how do we support our loved ones with the compassion and love they need while at the same time not losing ourselves in the process. how do we help our husbands and loved ones understand how much their acting out, hurts us? how do we all make sense of the damage it all causes?
which brings me to my second point...forgiveness, compassion and judgement. These have been on my mind for a while now and it seems as if each day brings new opportunities to break the cycle. it's time to realize that we all fall short. in some or many way (that doesn't matter) we just need to know that we fall short. we may have bad judgement, too big a mouth (vocally...not physically!), we may be unhealthy or greedy or judgmental. we may be bitter or short with people, we may talk down to folks...you name it, we all have faults. so why do we pick out the sins in others and place them at a higher level of inadequacy than our own? why do we continue to pick each other apart rather than loving people where they're at and helping them surrender their sins to the One who can help? how many Christians have been slandered because of their sin, or really, their addiction or stumbling block. what makes us so high and mighty to slander them? Ted Haggard...all of the Catholic priests...Jim Bakker...let's just say, type church + scandal in google and see all that comes up. there are MANY 'scandals' and they'll continue to be. but what is a scandal? don't we all have scandals everyday? i'm not saying what Ted Haggard did was ok by any means, but he could have been my father, my brother, my pastor, my friend. he could have been me. who's to say i might not do something in the future that others think is a sin larger than theirs. what will happen to me? will i lose my job, my friends, my family, my support? and if i do, where will that leave me? i'd be a shell of the person I am, knowing that all those around me who i use to consider my friends, left me out in the cold, when what i really needed was love and support. why are we leaving people just when it's the most crucial time to help? why do we judge instead of love on them?
i don't agree with all the stances that Jay Bakker of Revolution Church has but it's him and other people and organizations like him and 'to write love on her arms' and xxx church that i respect. why aren't we loving on people? why aren't we helping people? why instead do we look down our noses, throw obscenities and the 'wrath of God' through megaphones, condemn them and their actions? why can't we see the lost, hurt children inside and realize that they need our love and support rather than our judgements. why can't we show them Christ instead of just more hurt?
this Christmas season as we celebrate the birth of Christ, i urge you to think about your struggles and how you would like help. remember that we're all sitting in the same boat. we're all sinners. we all fall short. we all deal with struggles and we live with people with struggles. if you want someone to talk to, talk to me, a friend a pastor, anyone. i deal with sin in more ways than one. i've been hurt in the past, many times. i've reached out for love in the wrong places in the wrong ways. i have close relationships with people who have done the same. so here i sit. on the fence and trying to balance...looking down at my sin on one side and the sins of my friends and husband on the other. just as everyone does. and if i were to fall off again, into the pit of sin, just as Mr. Haggard, i would sure rather be treated in love than judgement. we've all heard the saying, hate the sin, love the sinner. tis the season to love. love completely, without judgement, without preconceived notions or perceptions. just love. be accepting not judgmental. be loving not cruel. be forgiving not condemning. be Christ. show others Christ. just love.
if anyone wants or needs someone to talk to or be an accountability partner, i'm here, waiting…and my arms are open.
06 December 2006
**noise: brown eyed blued ~ ben harper
I just got word of this. if anyone has the sundance channel, check this out. Jay Bakker has a new series about him on wednesdays @ 9pm starting on Dec 13.
The premiere episode of One Punk Under God, a new Sundance Channel series about Jay Bakker (son of Jim and Tammy Faye) is being offered as a free download on iTunes until Dec. 12. It airs Dec. 13
get the preview here!
looks like you may be able to download them on itunes too! sweetness. if i can't download them on itunes, i may be asking if someone can record it for me...
**noise: whenever i say your name ~ sting
my friend krista bought me some mrs. meyers natural cleaning products for my wedding shower and i've finally gotten around to promoting them. go check them out. they have essential oils and actually work super well. You can get some of the products at world market, but if you go directly to the website you can see all the goods. they come in 3 'scents' lemon, geranium and my personal favorite lavender. they make you whole house and body smell amazing. they have a hand soap and lotion that's amazing and it's actually a non-antibiotic soap, which is getting more and more difficult to find. anyway, go check it out. they rock. oh yeah, and they're cheap (for natural products!)
05 December 2006
**noise: co-worker singing Christmas carols...someone kill me now!
i work in 2 separate towns. some days i'm in charlotte and other days, hastings. when i got my new job, the days i spend in hastings increased to at least twice a week. in the past few weeks i've realized just how much more i enjoy work when i need to be in hastings. it's quiet, the folks are nice, they actually come over to talk to you...it's amazing. but the downside is the food. they have snack day every week where a different group makes snacks for everyone and non-snack days, there are still snacks! today there was lemon squares, banana bread and pizza. last week, cream puffs, a cream cheese cake thingy, and cheese. i feel like i'm becoming rotund. this food thing is horrible. i feel like i'm living in palace. i keep thinking about all the folks in this world who haven't eaten in days...so many of our clients can't afford to eat, and yet i sit here in my comfy chair nibbling on lemon squares when i'm not even hungry. it's makes me sick. i keep telling myself to eat for sustenance, yet i keep falling into the refrigerator, a friend of ours is doing a 40 day fast...i think this is amazing. i know the xxx church guys did it too this summer. i don't think i'm up for that...but i do need to fast. fast from something. i need to pray about it.
we live in this amazing land yet it's so draining at times. i feel like my brain is constantly thinking about when else i want, what i can buy or or eat. i feel like a consumer whore. i think it's time to get off the streets.
29 November 2006
**noise: the refrigerator
i've been coughing up green tumors for over a week now. i feel fine. no weakness or being tired, no aches or pains, just green tumors and constant coughing. i think it's time for a trip to the doctors.
i'm generally a healthy person, yet since i've been married, i've been on antibiotics 3 times and now am coughing up green tumors. what's up with that?
22 November 2006
**noise: detroit lift up your weary heads ~ sufjan stevens
after being sick for the past 3 days, i think i've recovered enough to go on with the show. steve and i are planning an organic thanksgiving feast this thursday. if anyone needs a place to commune, come on over. just let us know. i'm not sure when dinner will be...sometime in the late afternoon probably. give us a shout if you'd like to join us.
16 November 2006
**noise: airport crap musak
steve and i met friends at omi last night for a bit of sushi and shabu shabu...and decided to hit the parlour for a bit of sundae naughtiness. i know this is old news, but i guess since we were living under a rock for the summer, we had no idea that the parlour went belly up in july. as we walked into the classic red and white building, the smell of malaysian food hit us...there was a bit of confusion on our faces, but soon learned of the switch from ice cream goodness to malaysian food... we were so bummed...no more naughty sundaes...blasted. on the flip side, has anyone tried this new restaurant? smelled kinda yummy...not as yummy as sundaes, but ya know...
15 November 2006
**noise: where are you ~ the difficulty
did you guys see this...sounds fun but just another thing to do on sunday! man...they come in droves. MSU Global Festival IT'S FREE!!
Our goal is to create a five-hour global event to promote international relations and understanding between these communities. We accomplish this through international exhibits, games, performances, demonstrations, cuisine and the World Gift Shop.
This event is publicized throughout the Greater Lansing area. In the previous years, it has been estimated that this festival drew a crowd ranging from 4,000 to 5,000 participants. Admission is FREE!
craig gross with XXX church is speaking at mars hill in grandville this sunday. steve and i are taking off at 9 to hit the 11am service if anyone is interested...we could car pool and do breakfast/lunch/brunch (whatever) after…let us know if you're interested..we've been trying to catch him for awhile now.
13 November 2006
**noise: my new office mate and her top 40 radio station...i need headphones!
steve and i ran across this the other day and got psyched about it. it's put on by Craig Gross of XXX church. steve is getting a group of men together to go. if you're interested, give him a shout, email him or email me… here’s the info
Porn and Pancakes. A morning filled with straight talk about porn and the issues surrounding porn. From the people who get it. XXXchurch pastors, porn industry insiders and people who have struggled without hope. The breakfast is open to men and boys in junior high on up.
The 1st official Porn and Pancakes will be December 2, 2006 at Ada Bible Church in Grand Rapids, MI with a 2nd event on February 24, 2007 at Daybreak church in Hudsonville, MI.
The lineup for the December 2nd event will include pastor and founder of XXXchurch, Craig Gross. Ex porn producer Donny Pauling and special emcee David Dean. We will not make you sing at 8am on a Saturday.
Porn and Pancakes will happen a few times a year locally in the backyard of XXXchurch, Grand Rapids. If you are a church in the area interested in partnering with XXXchurch to host Porn and Pancakes please email email@example.com.
If you are interested in doing Porn and Pancakes and you are anywhere else but Grand Rapids click here.
03 November 2006
**noise: the hum of the heater at my feet
i'm sick...again...my third uti in 5 weeks...this isn't funny. i'm ready for a smack down.
31 October 2006
**noise: an annoying halloween laugh that goes off EVERY TIME someone walks past it...it gets walked past a ton...i'm glad it's yoga night!
i know i need to submit to people. i usually i don't have a problem with it. i let managers at my work make the decision even when i disagree. i may interject a suggestion here or there, but for the most part, i allow them to make their own decisions whether i agree with them or not and then just sit back and see what happens. i know that i've learned tons through all the MANY mistakes i've made...so i hope others learn through their mistakes. but sometimes i want to make a big stink when i don't agree. when folks are being silly and aren't thinking right i want to stop the presses and do it myself. i get frustrated when i don't understand. today, i didn't understand.
in starting my new job i get a new toy. a handheld planner. which i was really excited about. in my old job i had a blackberry, which i personally think are silly, so i couldn't wait to get a back to the basic palm pilot. i've used them all now..the palm, dell and blackberry. I had a dell for about 6 months and the entire time i wish i had a palm. so i got to order a palm yesterday. yea...
but alias, my new boss came in this morning to tell me that the IS guy here doesn't want to get a palm because he has just started ordering dells and wants to stick with them...dells are more than $100 more. we're ordering 2. we both would prefer palms...but if we want a handheld, we have to get a dell. so in essence, we are throwing away over $200 because our IS guy wants dells. end of discussion.
this makes no sense. he's worked with palms before. they aren't any harder to work with than dells..and they are way cheaper. but i can't do anything about it. i have to submit and take the more expensive piece of crap...
maybe i'm just being a spoiled brat because i'm not getting what i want. maybe it's me that sucks. i should be happy that i'm getting anything. yeah, i suck.
30 October 2006
**noise: someone yelling away in the hallway
i recently saw a few pictures my big brother took at the wedding. this one cracked me up. as i recall he said 'look scared'...i'm not sure i mastered the 'scared' look, but funny nonetheless!
27 October 2006
**noise: two of us ~ Aimee Mann & Michael Penn
for those of you who are interested, we finally figured out how to put video up, so you can now view the elusive wedding slide show that we couldn't seem to get working at the reception until after 10...our friends Matt and Krista made this montage for us. it's long...about 15 minutes, but if your interested in seeing steve and i growing up, click below...
26 October 2006
alright. i think i figured it out, although there has to be an easier way...i will figure this blasted thing out!
**noise: landed ~ ben folds
switching from a pc to a mac is so frustrating. i want to be more patient with the whole process but i can't seem to figure out how to even burn a flippin disc. argh...i know it can't be this hard...i feel like an idiot...and i'm about to smash the stupid thing against the wall...ok it's not stupid, i am...but i don't want to throw myself against the wall.
thanks for the ear, i needed a good scream, even if it was just through my fingers.
**noise: gracie ~ ben folds
there's a post rolling around this noggin of mine regarding the war...and i always hate posting about the war, so i'm trying to be as elegant as i can...more to come. but thought i'd first post this as a precursor...
25 October 2006
i'm not sure about these guys...i need to listen a bit more, but steve and i saw this video in mexico, of all places, on our honeymoon and were blown away. they were on SNL last weekend and i wasn't impressed...but i still think the video is sweet. enjoy.
**noise: soul suckers ~ amos lee
y'all know i despise wally world. and i hope y'all know how hard it is for me not to shop there, since i tend to be a penny pincher. and i realize that there are many families out there that need to shop there for financial reasons...but i do ask that you at ;east be aware of their work ethic, or rather lack there of....for more info watch the video or go to wakeupwlmart.com.
also, no worries, but my breathing has had a rough go the past few weeks, and since i hate taking my meds, i haven't, just hoping it would go away but it hasn't. so i'll make ya a deal...if you could throw up a few prayers for me to get control of my breathing situation, i promise to start taking my meds...please?
thanks ~ and enjoy the video...
17 October 2006
**noise: remind us ~ over the rhine
well, that was the fastest job hire in the east. I applied on friday, had an interview at 9:30 and was offered the position at 11:45. sweet! here are the details...if you didn't already know, i was an emergency prep. coord. i was the main planner for a 2 county wide health department. it was brutal and the most stress i've had to carry in my life. it got to be so bad that steve and i had already made the decision that i would quit if i were to get pregnant, if not sooner because it was affecting my health. so, now details on the new job...
i'll be one of two health educators for the same 2 county spread, helping folks understand their health ailments and medications...i'll also be doing outreach to local agencies in health related topics. in essence, i'll be back in education, which i love. and virtually no stress!!! i am so excited...we're still not sure when to make the transition...at the latest it will be the first of december, but it may be sooner than that. it is a $3.20 decrease in pay, but the benefits of the job so FAR out weigh the pay, that it's no problem. i'm just thrilled. yeah :)
**noise: still computer fuzz
thanks for all the prayers you shouted up. i think i just landed the job. more news to come, but after talking to my current boss (i wanted to give him a heads up that i'd applied to a different position) he has encouraged me to think i'll get an offer later today.
and i have to say that my boss rocks. i've had many lousy bosses. and it's such a blessing to be working for someone that i feel, truly cares for my well being and that is here to help make my work life as enjoyable as it can be. i have an amazing boss.
**mood: nervous...a bit...maybe more apprehension
**noise: computer hum
i have an interview @ 9:30 this morning. this new position would be a MUCH needed change. please pray for me.
13 October 2006
**noise: hallway noise
we just found out that Aaron posted our wedding video and highlights on his business website! sweetness!! so if you want to see it again or if you didn't see it and want to, go to this site...www.promiseskeptvideo.com ~
To see the video, click on the tab that says 'samples' (you may need to scroll up or down to see this option). A page book will turn and give you 5 choices. 4 of them say Steve & Kim. They may take a bit to load, but they're available if you're interested.
also, just posted a few more wedding pics that a friend sent us on picasa. there's a link to the right, but here's another... the folder is 'tooties pics'
11 October 2006
**noise: a meeting in the other room
we got our mac...it's so pretty and fun. everything seems backwards from pc our world though. it'll take a bit for us to adjust, but we're excited to start learning. we do have a problem though...my ipod won't sync up with the mac. does anyone have any suggestions? i'm thinking I just have to 'restore" aka delete everything (blasted!) and start from new...please tell me there's another way...please?
10 October 2006
our new mac is in lansing...but i can't get to it. somewhere in this town sitting on a lowly cold and dark delivery truck, is our mac.
i fell like veruca salt...but i want it now!!
07 October 2006
**noise: the shower
here are more wedding photos taken by my pops and uncle...enjoy
**mood: still relaxed :-)
**noise: say darlin say ~ laura bates and brandon foote
i just found a new photo program called picasa...well, i guess it's not so much new, i used it back about 2 years ago, but it's pretty good now...so after spending a bunch of time posting the first few photos of the wedding on the new blog, i switched to picasa. it will allow me to make online photo books that anyone can access, so if you're interested, i've just posted some photos of our honeymoon.
06 October 2006
**noise: steve making popcorn
Steve and I have created a new blog for our photo journaling and such...we have a few pictures from the wedding...not many...so don't get excited or anything! but we did want to go ahead and post a few. here's the link...enjoy..
04 October 2006
22 September 2006
20 September 2006
14 September 2006
13 September 2006
**mood: excited to leave
**noise: noels podcast
bartender problem solved. thank you, thank you, thank you!
**noise: steam escaping my ears
does anyone want to make an extremely easy 100 bucks (14 bux/hr)? although the place we're holding our reception said we didn't need a bartender, they are now saying we do. i'm trying not to be pissed...but it's not working so well
so here's the thing. i need someone who will sit on their rump shaker and watch people come up and take a beer. oh and make sure there are no underage drinking...which, let me tell you, the few 6 month and five year olds that will be there are some hardcore partiers. it will be the easiest 100 bucks you'll probably ever make. it's from 5pm - 12am on Sunday September 24. If anyone's interested, let me know.
11 September 2006
**mood: argh...my throat hurts
**noise: next time~barenaked ladies
steve and i decided to get a mac. i'm so excited! we're finally getting back to the real world!! neither one of us have had a computer at home in years. sweet!
10 September 2006
**mood: anticipation...sleepy...still recovering from spiral
**noise: a plane
t-minus 2 weeks...crazy but in 2 weeks from now, i'll be married.
08 September 2006
**mood: anticipation...my bachelorette party is tomorrow!!
**noise: are you a dreamer ~ denison witmer
I want to know why most folks in management positions think that it's beneath them to do grunt work? How does a person who worked from the ground up only to make it to power positions forget that they once were the person being crapped on? I'm completely bewildered at this mentality. Only 'secretaries' at my work have to clean the break-room. It doesn't matter if it's not there mess, it's still they're responsibility. This makes no sense.
yesterday i was asked to deliver something. i was asked to go to someones office to pick up a paket. i was then told to call a the secretary so she can come down, pick up the packet, make copies and give it back to me to deliver. why? i have the packet. i can make the copies and give them to the secretary…i have no problem with that…then i get to lansing to deliver the stinking packet, pull up to a meter, put a dime in, thinking it would only take a few seconds to run in and hand off the packet…10 minutes later as i walked up to the security person to ask if the division could be called again, i see the stinking parking lady writing me a ticket…when the security person called the division i was waiting for, she was told that he was 'looking for someone to come down and pick it up'. like he was too high and mighty to get off his lazy corporate management rump…when the security guard told him that i had just received a ticket, he showed up 2 minutes later with an excuse of 'i didn't know you were waiting.'
so not only are you a lazy state management employee, but you're going to lie to my face…
and because i was waiting in a state building for your lazy rump to walk downstairs to pick something up, i get a ticket and have to pay another government agency?
i'm hearing Noels last message ringing in my ear….but blasted! let me just complain and recap…i'm so sick of the typical bureaucratic management treatment of subordinates. if you're in a management position, give us someone we can respect and look up to. not a back stabbing sleaze, belittling., lazy snob who pokes our eyes out as you try to grab another rung on the corporate ladder,. get off your rump and be an example.
second, how ironic is it that i get a ticket from the city, while i was applying for a grant with a government agency all because someone was too lazy to get on an elevator and ride the few flights down to pick up a packet?
ok, so i should have put a quarter in, instead of a dime. and yes, i paid the stinking ticket…
please, please, please…treat others, as you'd like to be treated. if you're in management, be a hard working, non-belittling manager. don't look down your nose at those in lower positions and don't feel degraded in working less than stellar jobs. making copies will not make you look less than a manager!
07 September 2006
**noise: into dust~mazy star
the whole blog world is fascinating to me. i blog here, but i also have a myspace, primarily so i can keep up with current friends, make new and find old. it's the finding old friends that's a bit difficult for me. i used to be different...very different. i guess we all were. and it's usually not a problem, but there are some folks that i presume have no idea what to think of me. they use to know the old me. maybe they new the highschooler...the nice and proper, straight girl that hung out with everyone and yet somehow managed to live an almost straight life throughout highschool. or maybe they new the 20 something partier, hipster, free thinking, christian hating, dumpster diving freak...ok, so i'm still the hipster, free thinking freak...but no longer am i the christian hater...i'm the christian. my life has been completely overhauled. spiritually and physically. i've changed most aspects of my life…from my beliefs to what comes out of my mouth, what i put in it, anger control, bitterness and how i spend my money...
today, i realized that an older friend had deleted me as a friend.
one part of me could care less. the main part could care less actually .but there's that little highschooler still in me that cares...wonders why they deleted me...did i offend? am i not cool enough to be shown in their list? but what i really wonder is if my belief system is too much...am i too open with it? is it too much in their face? i don't think it is, but i would also hate to make anyone feel as i once did when the "christian" down lookers condemned me.
its just so strange. i'm not ashamed of my faith or my acts. i'm not even hurt that i'm no longer in this person's list of friends, but i want to make sure that i never make someone feel condemned. that balancing act of showing your faith in ways that folks notice a positive difference in you and not shoving it down their throats...
06 September 2006
**mood: still unmotivated
**noise: good day sunshine~deadwood revival
kids in the way are going to be at the intersection in grand rapids on november 8th...
05 September 2006
**mood: anticipating 5:00
**noise: hallway noise and emmylou harris...slow surpirse
last sunday was the 3 week mark to the wedding. my moms getting a bit flustered! steve and i just can't wait for the day to come. these last 3 weeks are going to fly. i'm not nervous. i keep getting asked that. but i am anxious. and excited. i still can't believe that i'm getting married to the most amazing man i know. i feel so blessed.
i took out my piercing sunday. i miss the flair, but not the apprehension that it may get infected again. i feel so naked though...it's strange.
01 September 2006
**mood: excited...it's date night!
**noise: your racist friend...they might be giants
i feel so silly...all day i've been confused about the songs that keep popping up on my ipod. i shuffle it at work but today it's been playing the same songs. it's been horrible but other thank thinking about it i haven't done anything to rectify the problem...
i just looked at my itunes...it was only shuffling my library not the songs on my actual ipod...
i don't think my brain's functioning that well today...too funny
**noise: canned heat...jamiroquai
i'm a confessed coffee snob. steve and i buy our fav fair trad coffee from puravida, or he roasts his own. we grind it and only use a french press, drink it with organic creamer.... when we go out for coffee, he gets an americano, i get a red eye. we're creatures of habit. we're picky when it comes to coffee. i should know better, but i don't. every now and then i want to try something different. that brings us to today. i wanted something sweet, but i'm sensitive to sugar..too much and i crash, hard. so i try to avoid high fructose and such, so i was trying to choose at the local charlotte coffee house when the barista, who knows my tastes, suggests to get a strong latte. so against my better judgement, i give it a whirl. and now, i sit here at work with a sour mess of a beverage, and missing my tried and true red eye. he's still a great barista...i just now know that i can't stand lattes.
ahh, the joy of hindsight.
**noise: china cat sunflower...grateful dead
i was hit yesterday and again this morning at just how selfish i am. i'm a brat. i need to change this bratty attitude. if you see it come out, check me on it. please.
31 August 2006
**noise: one day at four...tongue and groove
i ordered the second season of lost a few months back and i just got an email telling me that it was shipped! sweet!
as a reminder, everyone is welcome at our house wednesday nights for lost. steve makes stovetop popcorn!
**noise: world in my eyes...depeche mode
i decided to give contacts another go. it's not going very well. i like the feeling of not having glasses on my face, but i currently want to pop out each eyeball and soak 'em in water. they're so dry and itchy, plus, since i'm not hiding anymore behind glasses, i'm wearing a bit of makeup, which is strange, since i'm not a makeup wearer...anyway, i'm giving up on the contact search.
i like having 4 eyes.
**noise: she bangs the drums...the stone roses
In a country like the US we seem to become apathetic to the suffering surrounding us. we change the channel when commercials of starving children flash across the screen. we look at our paychecks and wish we could be making more. or we look at the newest and greatest powerbook in anticipation...yes, i still don't have one...but what we don't think of is just how blessed we are in this country. our poverty is another country's mid to upper class. we are a bunch of spoiled brats who only want more junk to pack away in already loaded houses. ( i am completely guilty of this too! don't think i'm looking down at all ya'll...i'm looking down on me too!)
Russ posted a link on this blog that really opened my eyes at just how much money i have when looked at in the worlds standards. i know we live in the US and the standards of living and the cost of living are different..things are more expensive. but i urge you not to let the leprocy of apathy take over. know you are blessed to be living in the US with all of it's resources, democracy and freedoms. and do all you can to help make the world a better place, help those in need and feel all the blessigns God has showered down upon you instead of thinking about all the crap you think you're laying in. you are blessed. just go here and see for yourself.
**noise: i just love you...five for fighting
van houtens reopened, under some other name, but they're open!! guess the new owners opened about 6 months ago and are slowly bringing stuff in. but if you miss the old store, come on back and give the new owners a go. there selection is still kinda sparse, but they'll get more. i made steve veggie linguine last night with local tomatoes, squash, garlic, onion and herbs....and a dessert of local peaches, nectarines, plums and cherries topped with lemon curd. and all the fruit...
2 huge peaches
2 huge nectarines
~.5 lb cherries
2 huge tomatoes
2 garlic cloves
2 large squash
came out to 7 bucks. so it's local, cheap and delish...probably not so much organic...but...local.
so go support local farmers and the new owners of van houtens...3820 S. Cedar in Lansing
29 August 2006
**noise: the wind
i just applied for our wedding license.
28 August 2006
**noise: steve grinding wheat
walmart announced last week that they had their first quarterly profit decline in 10 years. keep it up guys...the more they lose, the faster we can be rid of the corporate sleaze. progress may be slow, but it's coming