lost update

31 August 2006

**mood: anticipation
**noise: one day at four...tongue and groove

i ordered the second season of lost a few months back and i just got an email telling me that it was shipped! sweet!

as a reminder, everyone is welcome at our house wednesday nights for lost. steve makes stovetop popcorn!

i miss my glasses

**mood: full
**noise: world in my eyes...depeche mode

i decided to give contacts another go. it's not going very well. i like the feeling of not having glasses on my face, but i currently want to pop out each eyeball and soak 'em in water. they're so dry and itchy, plus, since i'm not hiding anymore behind glasses, i'm wearing a bit of makeup, which is strange, since i'm not a makeup wearer...anyway, i'm giving up on the contact search.

i like having 4 eyes.

money and apathy

**mood: humbled
**noise: she bangs the drums...the stone roses

In a country like the US we seem to become apathetic to the suffering surrounding us. we change the channel when commercials of starving children flash across the screen. we look at our paychecks and wish we could be making more. or we look at the newest and greatest powerbook in anticipation...yes, i still don't have one...but what we don't think of is just how blessed we are in this country. our poverty is another country's mid to upper class. we are a bunch of spoiled brats who only want more junk to pack away in already loaded houses. ( i am completely guilty of this too! don't think i'm looking down at all ya'll...i'm looking down on me too!)

Russ posted a link on this blog that really opened my eyes at just how much money i have when looked at in the worlds standards. i know we live in the US and the standards of living and the cost of living
are different..things are more expensive. but i urge you not to let the leprocy of apathy take over. know you are blessed to be living in the US with all of it's resources, democracy and freedoms. and do all you can to help make the world a better place, help those in need and feel all the blessigns God has showered down upon you instead of thinking about all the crap you think you're laying in. you are blessed. just go here and see for yourself.


yeah veggies

**mood: excited
**noise: i just love you...five for fighting

van houtens
reopened, under some other name, but they're open!! guess the new owners opened about 6 months ago and are slowly bringing stuff in. but if you miss the old store, come on back and give the new owners a go. there selection is still kinda sparse, but they'll get more. i made steve veggie linguine last night with local tomatoes, squash, garlic, onion and herbs....and a dessert of local peaches, nectarines, plums and cherries topped with lemon curd. and all the fruit...
2 huge peaches
2 huge nectarines
4 plums
~.5 lb cherries
2 huge tomatoes
2 garlic cloves
an onion
2 large squash

came out to 7 bucks. so it's local, cheap and delish...probably not so much organic...but...local.

so go support local farmers and the new owners of
van houtens...3820 S. Cedar in Lansing


29 August 2006

**mood: geeked
**noise: the wind

i just applied for our wedding license.


walmart's going down folks

28 August 2006

**mood: joyful
steve grinding wheat

walmart announced last week that they had their first quarterly profit decline in 10 years. keep it up guys...the more they lose, the faster we can be rid of the corporate sleaze. progress may be slow, but it's coming


**mood: sleepy but anticipating a fresh red eye from the local coffee shop
**noise: ka pua u'i ~ isreal kamakawiwo'ole

i think i'm going to de-pierce myself. which sucks on one hand, but i think it's a necessity. my infection that started last week is now raging in my nose. and although i love finally having it, i'm tired of trying so hard to keep it. so i think i'm going to wait for the infection to heal and then pull it out.

i'm starting to wonder if my body just won't accept piercings. my navel never healed and i had that sucker in for a year and a half. my nose was doing well, but hasn't seemed right for about a month and now it's just plain scary...i know some folks bodys reject metals, maybe my body's trying to tell me something...i guess it's time to start listening.

memory loss

25 August 2006

i just remembered that i forgot to do something on thursday night. it sucks forgetting. i feel like such a flake and i don't like being flaky. i know ya can't change the past, but i hate to make folks wait...i hate to not show up.

i suck


24 August 2006

lately i've been surprised how many folks visit my blog...which is cool. and i figure since folks stop by, i should plug my church. so here it goes...i think you should come and check it out...
hope to see ya there!


23 August 2006

this is interesting...and yes, i still read the seattletimes. i just can't bring myself to change from the seattletimes to the lsj. it's been 4 years, but i just can't do it. let me live in my make believe world of west coast living. maybe someday we'll move back....maybe...soon?

anyway, interesting article:

A proposal would prohibit the sale of 34 cheap beers and fortified wines in a six-square-mile area of Seattle. Amare Taye, owner of King's Deli in the Central Area, is worried that the ban will drive him out of business. Taye is an Ethiopian immigrant who worked 14 years to raise the money to buy the deli.


my right lymph node is infected. bacteria sucks

well...i guess i can't say that since i'm on antibiotics...


22 August 2006

growing up i always thought that management was there to help you do your job. now i realize just how backwards it is. but i still can't comprehend it. i wish i wanted to manage people so i could show them how to do their jobs. which i know sounds so completely disrespectful, but i think it's time. i watch tv show the office, aand think, as most folks do, 'that's the management team that surrounds me'. it represents every personality. it's scary. this is my second job now that although i'm not management, i have to tell management what to do. which you've guessed it, doesn't work. but still, for some reason unbeknownst to me, i guess there's no other way to do it. so i continue to push on. writing plans i have no idea what i'm writing about or if i'm even planning appropriately, but that's my job. my job is to do everyone elses job when they don't want to do it. which is scary, since i'm writing clinically based plans with no clinic background, or nuclear plans with no nuclear radiation background.

ohhh...back to managers, sorry... i find it extremely discouraging to have managers approve something without reading it, telling me to do it myself, or just ignore my requests for help. where does this come from. i thought managers were suppose to manage, support, lead. where is my leader? why do they step back and watch others poop on you without doing anything about it? i just don't get it.

excitment turned to poo

i was excited for 15 minutes this morning, but then poo took over. but i have to admit, that GOD has really been seeing me through today. work has been tolerable. crazy busy, but at least it's tolerable. thank goodness!

so anyway, yesterday i applied for a travel agent job and today i was asked to come for an interview. super cool right!?!...well, then i found out that the pay is $14.40/hour less than i currently make. i don't think i can justify that one, although it sounded so cool.

oye. always tomorrow.


21 August 2006

I almost lost my cool today and walked off my job. i have the feeling of just wanting to give up, but i think i'm too stubborn to do so. which is a good thing. i also applied to 2 new jobs today. we'll see.

ohh..and i found out today just how much i hate it when people use excuses. i need to find more grace.

ar you a mr. or ms. obvious?

17 August 2006

i've been struggling in the ms obvious category for a while now...for example, when it's really hot, i just can't help stating just how hot it is. as soon as i say it i think, what an idiot...but i continue to do it. but lately, i've really started making a conscious effort in not doing it. which is hard. i think a lot of times, i struggle for words, so instead of thinking about something, anything to say, i just burp out the obvious. so if you hear me, check me. please.

Now, when I hear it, it just pisses me off. and if i'm going to complain about other folks doing it, then i better quit myself. so this is for you, if your a mr, ms, mrs obvious and of me, to help me conquer this battle...

so help me, if one more person comes up to me and says my nose is red and maybe it's infected. don't ya think i already feel like a chump with a red nose? so ya think it'll be better to point it out?

here are the facts.

i have a zit. inside my nose. i know, it's gross. but the darn things hurts...it's one of those underground storage tanks. all big and puffy, and of course, it's on the same nostril as my piercing. i'd love to do a tank yank but being inside my nose, it makes a bit of cramped quarters. and no, it's not infected, it's just this gross behemoth zit thing on the inside of my nostril.

so now, when someone comes into my office and states the obvious about the fact that my nose is red they have to add the 'well maybe it's infected' crap and then I have to go into the whole spiel about my zit. i feel like I'm in middle school again. i figured i'd just post it on the web for all to know, that yes, i have a zit. inside my nose. and no, it's not infected.

so if you see me and my nose is red, don't you worry your pretty little head. i can handle my orifices and such just fine. and let's as a community, stop stating the obvious.

please and thank you...

new blog

i'm in the new beta version of blogger...lets see what it can do people...

baseball extravaganza jamboree festival

15 August 2006

krista, matt and steve enjoy a nice lugnuts game...but wait, where are all the other folks? why is the stadium so empty? Got me...we had a great time at the shut out game yesterday. good times had by all!


12 August 2006

the meatrix

the meatrix2


10 August 2006

last night at frandor...i drove my car from one store to another.

yes, i'm a lazy bum that deserves a kick in the pants.

i had to confess. thanks for listening.


last night i dreamt that steve didn't love me and left. it was horribly vivid and real. i even dreamt about the card i gave to him on his birthday last week. i woke up devastated. it was the worst feeling, cold, empty and crunched…when i fell back asleep, i went right back into the dream. it felt like it went on all night. i can't shake the feeling. i think i'm going to become an insomniac.

sin shoes

08 August 2006

the past month has been rough with temptations. i haven't fallen, but the lure is there and at times it's pretty intense. today as i was driving back to work i all of a sudden got this word picture in my head of high heels. so let me preface, this is kinda a girly description...i wear sandals, birks and fernands. all super flat. although i do have a few pairs of semi lofty heels, i've never been able to master them. but it's when i think i've mastered them and start strutting my stuff, feeling secure in my new heels, that my ankle caves and i trip.

here's my point. my temptations are like high heels. they're alluring. i want to wear them but i don't want to fall. and though i try to fight the urge to put them on, sometimes i cave. the minute i put them on, my ankle gives and i trip. and then throughout the day, even though i want to conquer these heels, just like i want to smash my temptations, the longer i wear them the more shaky i feel.

i can go months without wearing heels. and yet the minute i put them on and trip, i'll feel shaky for weeks and for some reason, even though i don't want to trip anymore, i want so badly to put them on again.


i was in a meeting this morning when all of a sudden a heard a scratching. so i look down the table to see a someone scratching their nail, which has that nail fungus this going on, with a knife. i mean this person was intensely shaving his nail so much that you could see all the flakes falling off and onto the table. completely grossed out i tried not to pay attention, yet all of a sudden i heard one of the loudest finger sucking slurps come from his direction! all that crap he had just shaved off was now in his mouth. i get chills even thinking about it as i type.

moral...if you ever get the urge to manicure your nails, please wait until your out of a meeting, and more importantly, if you have nail fungus going on, don't eat it!!

korean scream cream

steve and i were invited over for some korean ala kisoon last night that was grilled over the barbie. what a treat. it was amazing. i don't think i've had food as tasty as that for some time...then we met mike for some scream cream at hawk hollow and watched the sun set...what a peacefully wonderful evening.


07 August 2006

and by the way, if you know of any work, let me know. i'm willing to take a pay cut as long as i can get some bennies...thanks

prayers needed please

i need some major prayers if anyone's out there. i think i'm on the verge of giving up at work. it's been growing increasingly harder to crawl outta bed and come into work and when i get here, i've been sluffing. and i hate it. i want to be a hard worker. i want to get in the groove and start getting things done again, but i've had it. and yes, i hear noel's latest message getting louder and louder in my ear. my but is big! i just feel so low. work is hard and i feel like i've applied to 30+ jobs with no response. it's been a hard go. and although steve's wants me to just quit because of the stress, i feel that i need to press on until i find something or have his child...which does make me think...maybe God wants me here in case He does give us a child right away...i mean could you imagine me getting a new job and then turning around in a few months and saying 'yeah, well i'm preggo now...i won't be coming back after the birth'...oye...

so lets see, prayer would be helpful...please. whatever God wants i'm cool with, but (yeah, i know, big but!) if He want's me here, could ya pray for Him to give me a bit more umph to work again? please...

a brilliant statement from angels and demons

yeah, this is a long one...but i felt led to post it. so i hope it touches you as it has me.

i'm reading angles and demons by dan brown. the prequel to the davinci code. and it's been a great read, as was the davinci code. though you need to be in constant detection mode trying to weed out the fact from fiction, but it's been a fun read. on sunday i ran across the below statement and was blown away. i don't believe in the entire go, but i think it's hits so many caveats to the whole faith vs. atheist debate, i had to post it.

here's the background...a huge bomb was stolen from a huge science research facility by the illuminati and hidden under vatican city, set to implode the entire city at midnight. 4 top cardinals have been kidnapped and three have now been murdered. the camerlengo (the replacement to the pope until a new pope has been chosen) addressed the media with this statement.

'....you have won the war. the wheels have been in motion for a long time, your victory has been inevitable. never before has it been so obvious as it is at this moment. science is the new god.

medicine, electronic communications, space travel...these are the miracles about which we now ell our children. these are the miracles we herald as proof that science will bring the answers. the ancient stories of immaculate conception, burning bushes and the parting seas are no longer relevant. God has become obsolete. Science has won the battle. we concede.

but science's victory has cost every one of us. and it has cost us deeply.

science may have alleviated the miseries of disease and drudgery and provided an array of gadgetry for our entertainment and convenience, but it has left us in a world without wonder. our sunsets have been reduced to wavelengths and frequencies. the complexities of the universe have been shredded into mathematical equations. even our self-worth as human beings has been destroyed. science proclaims that planet earth and it's inhabitants are a meaningless speck in the grand scheme. a cosmic accident. even the technology that promises to unite us, divides us. each of us is now electronically connected to the globe, and yet we feel utterly alone. we are bombarded with violence, division, fracture and betrayal. skepticism has become a virtue. cynicism and demand for proof has become enlightened thought. is it any wonder that humans now feel more depressed and defeated than they have at any point in human history? science shatters God's world into smaller and smaller pieces in quest for meaning...and all it finds is more questions.

the ancient war between science and was is over. you have won. but you have not won fairly. you have not won by providing answer. you have won by so radically reorienting society that the truths we once saw as signpost now seem inapplicable. religion cannot keep up. scientific growth is exponential. it seeds on itself like a virus. every new breakthrough opens doors for new breakthroughs.. mankind took thousands of year to progress from the wheel to the car. yet only decades from the car into space. now we measure scientific progress in weeks. we are spinning out of control. the rift between us grows deeper and deeper, and as religion is left behind, people find themselves in a spiritual void. we cry out for meaning. and believe me, we do cry out. we see ufo's, engage in channeling, spirit contact, out-of-body experiences, mindquests-all these eccentric ideas have a scientific veneer, but they are unashamedly irrational. they are the desperate cry of the modern soul, lonely and tormented, cripples by it's own enlightenment and it's inability to accept meaning in anything removed from technology.

science, you say, will save us. science, i say, has destroyed us. since the days of galileo, the church has tried to slow the relentless march of science, sometimes with misguided means, but always with benevolent intention. even so, the temptations are too great for man to resist. i warn you, look around yourselves. the promises of science have not been kept. promises of efficiency and simplicity have bred nothing but pollution and chaos. we are a fractured and frantic species...moving down a path of destruction.

who is this god of science? who is the god who offers his people power but no moral framework to tell you how to use that power? what kind of god gives a child fire but does not warn the child of it's dangers? the language of science comes with no signposts about good and bad. science textbooks tell us how to create a nuclear reactions, and yet they contain no chapter asking us if it's a good or bad idea.

To science, i say this. the church is tired. we are exhausted from trying to be your signposts. our resources are drying up from our campaign to be the voice of balance as you plow blindly on in your quest from smaller chips and larger profits. we ask not why you will not govern yourselves, but how can you? your world moves so fast that if you stop for an instant to consider the implications of your actions, someone more efficient will whip past you in a blur. so you move on. you proliferate weapons of mass destruction, but it is the pop who travels the world beseeching leaders to use restraint. you clone living creatures, but it is the church reminding us to consider moral implications of our actions. you encourage people to interact on phones, video screens and computers, but it is the church who opens it's doors and reminds us to commune in person as we were meant to do.

and all the while, you proclaim the church is ignorant. but who is more ignorant? the man who cannot define lightening, or the man who does not respect it's awesome power? the church is reaching out to you. reaching out to everyone. and yet the more we reach, the more you push away. show me proof there is a God, you say. i say use your telescopes to look to the heavens, and tell me how there could not be a God. you ask me what does God look like. I say, where did that question come from? the answers are one in the same. do you not see God in your science? how can your miss Him? you proclaim that even the slightest change in the force of gravity or the weight of an atom would have rendered our universe a lifeless mist rather than our magnificent sea of heavenly bodies, and yet you fail to see God's hand in this? is it really so much easier to believe that we simply chose the right card from the deck of billions? have we become so spiritually bankrupt that we would rather believe in mathematical impossibility than in a power greater than us?

whether or not you believe in God, you must believe this. when we as a species abandon our trust in the power greater than us, we abandon our sense of accountability. faith...all faiths...are admonitions that there is something we cannot understand, something to which we are accountable....with faith we are accountable to each other, to ourselves and to a higher truth. religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed. if the outside world could see this church as i do...looking beyond the rituals of these walls...they would see a modern miracle..a brotherhood of imperfect, simple souls wanting only to be a voice of compassion in a world spinning out of control.

are we obsolete? are these men dinosaurs? am i? does the world really need a voice for the poor, the weak, the oppressed, the unborn child? do we really need souls like these who, though imperfect, spend their lives imploring each of us to read the signposts of morality and not lose our way?

tonight we are perched on a precipice, none of us can afford to be apathetic. whether you see this evil as satan, corruption or immorality...the dark force is alive and growing every day. do not ignore it. the force though mighty, is not invincible. goodness can prevail. listen to your hearts. listen to God. together we can step back from this abyss.'

51 days

04 August 2006

not that i'm counting down or anything but, in 51 days i'm going to be someone's wife. wowza... this is cool, super cool. we're excited. it's coming fast. this is just plain crazy!

bike rides and money

steve and i were talking about a bike ride he wanted to take that goes from coast to coast. of course my comment was why...but that's me. he's amazing, i don't think i could do it. so i'll be the sag for him...trailing him, giving him snacks and support and all...the money raised (at least $6,000 per rider) goes to fund the american lung association. and although i think that's a super cool organization, our hearts lie with providing people the basics. food, water, shelter, education...so it got me thinking. what if there was a ride to help fund basic needs. what if we could work with world vision the invisible children organization or even one to start a bike ride. wouldn't that totally rock. i mean, i have absolutely NO idea how to start this...but what a sweet idea. i think we're going to do a bit more research into it...

another youtube vid

check it out...rebel yell


i try not to become too involved with reality shows, since i seem to have a little problem with tv addiction. but i've see 2 episodes so far of the rockstar supernova and i have to say that there is one cool rocker. i mean they are all decent singers and such but ya gotta admit that this guy lucas rocks.

alright...so he's an amazing singer...and he listens to amazing music including queen, smashing pumpkins, depeche mode, the cure, jane's addiction and ministry. but come on...pink eye shadow, crazy cool hair and a rockin stage presence. it's been a long time since a saw a newbie rocker like this hit the stage. if your interested, check out the show or the clips...the only draw back is that cbs tied up with msn for this one so you have to watch through internet explorer...mozilla doesn't work. http://rockstar.msn.com/

here's a youtube video...

breaking through the muck

03 August 2006

it still amazes me what a small world the christian community is. in so many ways, i feel it's such a condescending, judgmental society and yet just when i've had about as much as i can take, Jesus pops up out of the muck. cleaning even more of that gunk off the community. what a wonderful sight to see the sun cut through the darkness. to feel His warmth and sense His acceptance.

i think it's funny really. we're all in this big melting pot. stewing in the fallen one's brew. trying to be righteous but failing miserably each day. and just the same as it only takes one stinker to make the room smelly...it only takes one ray of sunshine to make all things bright.

it makes me remember that everyday, my actions and my words affect everyone i come into contact with. and i have a choice. i have have a choice to make a positive footprint or a negative one. and although i will continue to forget this moment, I hope y'all will keep me accountable because i want to make a positive footprint.

I want to see Jesus in all things and in all people. I want to look into the face of a big stink and see my Savior. How i'm going to do that, i have no idea. guess i'm embarking on a personal mission. but i'm taking the first step now with a prayer

dearest Lord, may i see You today and everyday in the person of Your sick, and whilst nursing them, minister unto you. though You hide Yourself behind the unattractive disguise of the irritable, the exacting, the unreasonable, may i still recognize You and say 'Jesus, my patient, how sweet it is to serve You!

auntie X 4

02 August 2006

i'm an auntie...again...conner michael...seems like an old soul...super laid back. can't wait to snuggle with him some more! by the way...that's steve holding him! that was a cool sight!