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Showing posts from 2007

new years

so another year passes us by. i thought we'd be celebrating a lot differently this year. it's strange to have pictured an event and see it happen so differently. instead of celebrating with an infant, we're celebrating with another pregnancy...and i thought i'd get to enjoy a few glass of champagne this year!

i think we're taking it slow tonight. steve's been fighting a cold the past few days so i think we're just hitting up some dinner with friends and then probably bringing in the new year at home watching dick clark. if we can stay up that late. yeah, we're lame.

happy new year every one. be safe and enjoy. hope to see ya all in the leap year.

food

i haven't been the best eater in this pregnancy. with Jorai, i was structured. i ate specific meals and made sure i got in enough fruit and veggies. every day i made sure of this.

i wish i was more determined to be healthy in this pregnancy. i don't know if it's the fear of losing this child too that keeps me from being a food nazi as i once was or what. i'm still taking care of myself, don't get me wrong, but i didn't eat any veggies yesterday until dinner when i realized it and downed some. as the day passes i have to think about how much water i've had and veggies and protein. it seems as if my diet this pregnancy has consisted of grains and cheese. i need to be more structured in my meal patterns. and exercise too. i just feel such a lack of motivation.

on the bright side, i've started to feel movement. little flips and swirls throughout the day. it's a nice feeling. it comforts me and reminds me of the joy steve and i use to have wh…

smila sol

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we just bought this at ikea for the nursery. it's a fixture for the ceiling light. i can't wait to install it. i'll post pictures when done.


we went on a huge ikea shopping spree on Christmas eve...which surprisingly was an amazing time to go. the place was deserted as far as ikea crowds go. it was amazing! anyway we bought new light fixtures for the entire house. hopefully steve and i won't electrocute ourselves as we try to install them!

bum genius clearance

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**mood:good...a bit sleepy
**noise: my stomach

bum genius pocket diapers have come out with their 3rd version. which makes their second version on sale! although it looks like they've made some nice additions to the new version, the old ones are 3 bucks off! so i'm letting anyone who's interested in knowing, know...i know that both tree city diapers and jillians drawers have them on sale...some places don't! if you're interested, go check them out.

one cool thing about the new version, is that they come with both a newbie and the original insert. so that's cool. here's the version 3 site on jillian's drawers site...and here's the version 2 (on sale).

enjoy

the quiet

as much as i love Christmas and spending time with family, i'm glad it's all over. the past 3 1/2 days have been non-stop talking and family time, and i have to admit that it's amazingly refreshing to sit here in my nice quiet house and just be. it was a blast being with family and it went surprisingly well. though the quiet peacefulness of our home is welcoming and the fact that i get to sleep with my husband again, rather than being in separate twin beds, is nice.

it's good to be home.

and the bonus...2 of my friends have delivered within the past week! yea!!

WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!

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lost is retuning!!! for all you losties out there, abc has finally come out with the new date and time. thursdays 9pm. it's replacing greys...which i hear will be switching to wednesdays at 10. so yea! lost is coming back on january 31st!

party at the newmans for all who want to see the new season in.

now supposedly they only have 8 of the 16 episodes written and filmed. so lets hope there's a settlement to the writers strike!


but the question is... why is charlie in the ad?

uncomfortableness

have you ever been in a conversation with a group of people when someone close blurts out a comment that makes you cringe? and it not only makes you cringe but you can see the shock in other people's faces as well. as if they're thinking, did he just say what i think he said? and there's no way to cover the comment up. it's just there. lingering for all to hear. for all to know the truth.

that happened to me this weekend. i wish i could go into more detail, because it may resonate with some of you, but i can't. all i can say is that death brings the best out of some people and the worst out of others. i always thought that if i went through something super tragic, there would be certain people who would be there. this summer, i learned that what you think doesn't always happen. steve and i were amazed by the amount of support we got and continue to get from friends. but it was strange to see the people we thought would be there, weren't.

this wee…

hunger

i've still only gained a pound...which just feels strange to me, because my belly has popped out and looks huge, and by this point in my last pregnancy i think i had gained about 7 pounds and i feel like i've gained weight...but the scale only shows 1 pound difference...strange...

but even though my weight gain has been slow, my hunger has been ravenous. what is it with a pregnant women's hunger that she can be satiated one moment, only to be ravenous the next?

i left work to run an errand today around 11am. when i left, i was full...to the point that the thought of food made me gag. about 20 minutes later, i was so ravenous that i felt nauseous. i needed food. i was close to taco bell, which is silly since i brought my lunch, but i had to eat at that second. so i ordered. when i got my nacho supreme, i couldn't get the lid off and got so frustrated that i about threw it against the wall so it would pop open. i was that hungry. don't worry, i got the top off…

rent visit

the visit with the rents went well. since this summer, we've been more civil...it's amazing how tragedy brings some people closer and some it pushes further away. the surprise went well. my mom was so excited to have wassail. the creme brulee was yummy but a bit grainy. i'm not sure why. it was a quick recipe to make so i think that it may have lost a little umph, but all in all, it was good.

we woke to a winter wonderland. it's gorgeous! we spent all morning just talking and enjoying each others company. it went well, which surprised me...but i'm not complaining! it's strange though, because they're leaving again on tuesday. i feel like they're hardly around before they take off again. they're gone now until late april...and then they're only back until the end of july before they leave again. i know my mom is starting to feel like she's away too much, but i sense that my father would love to be gone even longer. it's a st…

rent surprise

my rents are coming up for a last visit before their trek down to arizona for the winter. as a holiday tradition, on Christmas eve, my mom always made wassail and after church we would all sit around a table of cookies and wassail and just, talk. this year she didn't make it...so as a gift to them, i made it. i also made a Christmas grand marnier creme brulee... i hope it turns out...i've never made creme brulee before. but it looks yummy!

so yeah...i get to surprise them tomorrow night after church...which will be fun...i'm bringing them to riv..fun times.

kick counter

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once you reach 26 weeks, you're suppose to count your babies kicks (movements). i didn't know this. not that it would have helped in Jorai's situation, but still...it would have been nice if my dr. talked to me about it...and since he didn't, i feel the need to tell all of you. if you're pregnant or know someone who's pregnant, please read.

by 26 weeks, you should be feeling 10 baby movements in 2 hours. all babies are different, and some don't move this much, but the important thing is to keep track of it and if you notice a decrease in movement, call your dr. or go to the ER. it's better to be more cautious.

of course you can mentally keep track of movements, write them down on a piece of paper...or you can buy this...it's pretty cool...check it out. and remember, keep track of those movements past 26 weeks. please. plus a portion of the proceeds from the sales will be donated back to the MISS Foundation in support of advocacy programs and e…

stats and legislation

i've been thinking about posting this for a while now, and i didn't want to, because of all my pregnant friends out there. but i think it's important to post.

michigan is one of many states that don't issue a birth certificate for a stillborn child. in my opinion there are 2 major problems with this.

1. it dehumanizes your child. it says that you never had a child. what's the difference between a child who takes 1 breath out of your body and a child that never takes a breath? aren't they both children?

2. because a birth certificate is not issued, the child never existed in the view of medical studies. 21 states issue birth certificates for stillborns. therefore all the other stillbirths in the states that don't offer birth certificates, do not get placed in medical studies. there are around 30,000 stillbirths in the US every year. that rate is 3 times the SIDS rate, yet most of the births are not placed in studies. how can we learn how to prevent s…

medical professionals

what is it with medical professionals losing their ability to relate to the general public? i see it all the time. i work with medical professionals. they're always using medical terms to people who don't understand medical terms or when medical terms aren't warranted. does it make them feel more important, or have they lost the ability to relate on a human level?

last week at the doctors office, i was talking to the nurse about my fear of taking drugs/vaccinations. i was telling her that i wanted to talk to the dr. about the necessity of getting the flu shot, because although i think it could be important, after losing our child, i'm afraid to take anything. she looks at me and says 'so you want to ask the dr. how important it is to get the flu shot because after your fetal demise, you're afraid to take medications.'.

'fetal demise'

i believe that steve and i had a child. a beautiful child. she may have come still into this world, but she was…

i'm a complete nutter

this afternoon i went Christmas/kim shopping. while in targ. i went looking for the new harry potter dvd. i saw the order of the phoenix and thought, why are they re-releasing old h.p. dvds? i looked and looked but couldn't find the deathly hallows...so i went to meijer, again, they had the order of the phoenix, but no deathly hallows...you would have thought that after 2 stores, i would have been clued in...but no. so i came home and searched h.p. dvds...and then it hit me...they're only on the 5 book dvd release. oye! i knew that, but in my nutty brain, it just didn't register. i kept looking for the last book...not the latest movie. so now, i have to go back to targ. i seriously have problems. seriously. i frighten myself.

i have issues

i like grocery shopping with my husband. he really doesn't like to go all that much...but i love it when he does. my problem is that he likes tortilla chips. i like chips too, but to keep them out of my house and thus my mouth, i avoid the chip aisle. i can handle tortilla chips in my home because i'm not a huge fan, but it's the other chips, the greasy ones that have flavors. the really bad ones. i love them. when they're in the house, that's all i eat.

steve went shopping with me last night. he also went down the chip aisle. since i was pushing the cart, i followed him. i came home with cheddar cheese pringles. they're almost gone. in 24 hours they're almost gone. this is why i avoid the chip aisle.

due dates

i have friends who got pregnant while i was in my 4h and 5th month who are almost ready to deliver. although i'm happy for them, at times i feel like a 5 year old that wants to scream 'but, it's not fair!'.

it's just so strange to have so many dreams and plans wrapped around something one moment only to have to let go of them, the next. and to look into the future to now see other people celebrating their babies birth as you can only look back to remember what you've lost. i mean, i'm hopeful to deliver this baby, but it's so different this time around. i'm excited but i'm also just waiting for the shoe to drop, so to speak. so the first thing i think of, is my loss not my gain. maybe it's because it's still so raw and fresh too. i don't know.

it's just hard to see all these women deliver healthy, screaming babies and remember that my baby girl came so silent. i'm truly excited for my friends, but their joy, tugs a bit …

tv junkie

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i've been getting into the amazing race this year. i usually don't watch it because it seems like the couples are always yelling at and calling each other names. it's annoying. and yes, this year is no exception...but there is a bonus. there's a sweet goth couple in the race, kynt and vyxsin.they rarely argue, although it looks like they may have a argument in next weeks episode...and they're just so much fun to watch! plus, kynt calls vyxsin his cute little kitten. too funny!

insurance...

thanks for all your suggestions...we're switching to auto owners insurance. it'll save us $90/yr on homeowners insurance and $100/yr on car. that makes me a bit happier. what's silly though is spending $600/yr or plpd car insurance for 2 cars...it makes me want to go rogue and not have insurance.

changes

i've noticed in the past week or so that i can't do the things i've been getting use to again these past 6 months. like bend over normal, or sit on the ground doing crafts. now if i sit too long on the floor, my back kills and the whole bending over thing is surprising since my belly isn't huge yet, but it's just big enough that it makes it difficult to bend over. i have to spread my legs apart when sitting, so my belly has a crevice to fall into. if i forget, i feel this really strange pressure and twinge that reminds me that i have a growing child within me.

my pants are getting tight and my shirts/sweaters don't fit. all my preggo clothes were springy/summery clothes...so i went out yesterday and got a few shirts. i'd love to find a sweater that doesn't make me look like a tent. i need some luck with that one!

i went to refill my asthma medication the other day and found that they won't refill it because the insurance company wants me to tr…

le bebe news

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i've made it into the second trimester! i've 'popped', i've never understood that expression, but i have and we had our 13 week appointment yesterday where we got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. i can't begin to express how that sound made us feel. all i can say was that life has returned! it has been 6 months since we last heard those tiny beats and it was simply amazing. so, i just wanted to tell you that every thing looks good. the heart beat was strong and fast...which goes along with my girl prediction... our dr. kept the doppler honed right on the babe's heart for about 3 minutes. i think it was a wonderful sound for all 3 of us!

here's what the kiddo probably looks like...




call me crazy

but i think i've been feeling the baby move all day. i know it's soon. i'm only 13 weeks so i'm about 2 weeks early than the 'typical' mother. but i feel the fluttering and kicks low in my belly...down 'there'...not really in my tummy or off to the side. and it keeps happening in the same spot.

it so wonderful to feel life within me again. the 2 days i carried Jorai, where she was lifeless, was a feeling i can't describe to anyone. it was simply death. to feel life within me again, brings me a joy i'll never get tired of.

call for help

who do you use for your auto and house insurance company? i think we may be paying way too much...

thanks

my so called life

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the year after i graduated a new show aired called my so called life. this show may just possibly be the first show that made sense to me. being just out of high school i completely related to the characters and i could see myself in the main character, angela. the show only aired for 19 episodes. a major disappointment. it touched on subjects that no other show really touched on. things like child abuse, homophobia, teenage alcoholism and drug abuse, homelessness, adultery, school violence, and censorship. it was one of those shows that meant something. i've been wanting to get my hands of the series for a while now, but ultimately keep forgetting about it.

today, during my lunch, i didn't want to deal with the weather, so i decided to see what i could watch on abc. as i was scrolling through the shows, i was dumbfounded to see my so called life in the mix. i'm now wondering if it has to do with the writers strike. maybe they want other shows to feed through t…

babies

i was able to hold a 9 day old baby last night. i can't begin to explain the joy that was. i mean, i've held other babies before i lost Jorai, but none of them made me feel this way. i got to hold an other baby earlier in my pregnancy as well, but i think because tomorrow i hit my second trimester and some of my worries are gone, holding that baby made me realize that there is a huge possibility that in 6 months, steve and i'll be holding our 1 week old child. looking down at that little miracle, feeling her weight and warmth, helped me to realize that it's still possible for us.

when that baby was placed in my arms, a spark ran through me. later, as i tried to sit and listen to the message at riv, my mind was rushing with excitement and wonder of what may lay ahead of us in a few short months. i was excited. an excitement that didn't have dread attached to it. just pure life. and breath. and warmth and weight. i could have held that child for hours.

last…

car talk

the other day, steve and i were talking about buying an xb, they're hard to find used and we definitely want a used one, the older model gets a lot better gas mileage plus the new model blacks out the 2 rear windows making a huge blind spot. plus i think the new style is fugly...so we want an older one. since i've been excited about the possibility of getting a newer car, i've been looking around and have noticed, they're few and far between. i guess people really like them because they're hard to find. because of this i think i've talked steve into starting our search, because by the time we actually find the right car, we may already have a child...

any way...as we were having this discussion, steve asked, 'well, which one of us will be drivingthexb?'. i said that i just assumed since i'd have the kid, that i'd be driving the newer car for the most part...but i quickly added in there 'but i guess i just assumed that...we could always…

i love japan

this looks hilarious. i want to play!







belly news

it's official. my tummy has arrived. last night my jeans felt a bit tight and then this morning my tummy felt tight. it feels like it use to. it feels like i have a water filled balloon under my layer of chunk. and i can see the roundness protruding a bit. after my shower as i was looking in the mirror, i could see the roundness of baby newman.

what a cool feeling to see that again. to feel it. when i delivered Jorai i felt so empty. my arms as well as my tummy. this morning is the first time that i believe that there really is a baby growing within me again. i can feel the baby. i can feel my uterus growing. this feels really beautiful.

i'm happy.

babies

i keep seeing babies and thinking that's what Jorai would look like or that's how big she'd be...i keep going back there. walking down that road that doesn't seem to end. i look at her picture and am still numb in a way. it still seems like a very real dream. i still can't wrap my mind around all we gained and lost in 1 year. it makes me worry about this baby within me. i want to have a positive attitude. i want to be excited, but it's a nervous excitement. excitement one minute, pain the next. i worry about the future. the 20 week mark, the 28 week mark. will we lose this baby too? will i have to deliver another lifeless child? could i do that? i'm not sure i could go through this again. but i know every pregnancy is a blessing, no matter how long it lasts...but this is hard.

i have the babies book that i haven't even opened yet. 4 days from my 2nd trimester and i haven't documented 1 thing in this child's book. i'm afraid. …

keywords

i think it's brilliant when people find my blog while searching for 'porn' or 'phoenix rising porn'...which what exactly is phoenix rising porn? that one kinda scares me. most of the people who find me randomly searched netti pot...which is funny since i blogged about them once...so to see porn pop up on my keyword analysis of who's visiting my site, gives me warm fuzzies.

i wonder what people think when they hit my site when they're trying to find porn? i know i would be disappointed and quickly go about my search...but what if people just read...would they stop searching for porn that day? if they read a post specifically about my stance on porn, would it make them think?

starting a sexual purity ministry at church scares me. it's a place i never wanted to go to...i would talk to people about my past...steve's past...i may even post about it...but to help a group of people? never thought i'd be the one. i'm excited about it. i hope …

turkey and trimmings

the past week and a half or so, i've been starving. it's such a strange feeling. most of my first trimester i had been exhausted and queasy, definitely not hungry! but now, it's a whole new ballgame. i'm hungry all the time. and of course, when we left my folks house this weekend, they loaded us up with food. i have been eating turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and green bean casserole since last thursday. it's ridiculous. i weighted myself last monday and saw that i had finally gained 1 pound. i was so excited...i'm nervous to get back on the scale tomorrow!

....ohh yeah...and to top it off...steve made an ice-cream run for ice-cream sandwiches last night...i had envisioned the small rectangle slice of ice-cream with the thin chocolate cookie on each side...steve brought home thick chocolate cookies sandwiching a thick glob of ice-cream...like the melting moments ones...i'm not complaining,they're super yummy...but of course it's just anoth…

a quick warning

be careful when sending holiday packages this year. i had to go to frandor today. while i was there i saw that there is a ups store. i have a package to send my nephew for his birthday, so i thought since i'm already here, i'd send it from ups rather than the post office. i filled out the form and walked up to the attendant who told me it would be 10 bucks and some change to ship it to flagstaff. '10 bucks?!?, i said, is that the cheapest?' she said yes. so i simply said ok, i'll just go to the post office. her exact words were 'well, from what me screen says, priority mail is the same cost.'. i left, knowing she was feeding me a line.

i drove back into holt, went to the post office and low and behold...it was 7 bucks for priority. she lied to me. seeing that the gift was about $5...$7 shipping seemed silly, but what are ya going to do?

my advice...don't ship from the ups store in frandor...and other ups stores...be careful about. i don't l…

1 down 11 more to go

the first of my 11 pregnant friends delivered last friday. congratulations nicole and chaz and welcome sophia rose!!

faith

can you love God with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul yet still be angry with Him? i personally know 3 other couples who have lost their babies this year. 3 amazing, God fearing couples. 4 of us have lost our first born. as the holidays begin, i feel the sadness of these families. 3 of us are pregnant again. one has just started to try. we have hopes of becoming parents to living children. we have hopes of hearing cries fill our houses and laughter fill our hearts. we have hopes of kissing warm cheeks and feeling warm breath against our skin. yet as it's a hope filled with excitement and joy, it's also a hope filled with sorrow and tears for the children we've lost.

most days i've accepted our fate. the fate of loss. a loss that will always be there in the questions people ask. do you have children? how many children do you have? it will be there in my husbands face. some nights as i watch him sleep, i see Jorai in his facial outline. i…

new cookie

the new cookie was a success. they rocked, everyone liked them. try 'em out.

update

steve and i met with the women who will be our doulas during our pregnancy/birth. they rock. when we left, we were surprised to see that the car clock read 9:30. we had been there for 3 hours. wow. they were caring and open and we felt truly comfortable around them. one of them has gone through a loss. which sucks. i hate knowing other people have suffered as steve and i have. but it was nice to know that she knows. she knows my fears, my sadness, my hopes and my anxiety. her experiences where different than mine, but she knows the blackness of loss. it's comforting to be around other people who know and understand my darkness. i feel blessed to have met such wonderful women.

i've started taking some herbal remedies. i'm taking alfalfa for digestion issues and papaya enzyme for heartburn. i've also started drinking a bit of red raspberry leaf tea which is suppose to help tone your uterus. although i do continue to pray for clarity on anything i put into …

new cookie

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i love to bake. during the holidays, i usually make a shortbread cookie, peanut butter fudge, nut brittle, grand marnier chocolate orange cookie and whatever else sounds yummy at the time...for this weekends thanksgiving-Christmas extravaganza jamboree festival i'm making these...
for the recipe click here ~ orange-dark chocolate sandwich cookie

confusion and nervousness after a loss

i'm scared of every thing when it comes to this baby. i have all the typical pregnancy symptoms...constipation, headaches, heartburn...and then i have asthma and anxiety like crazy. there are drugs i could take. there are herbs i could take. some say the drugs could cause complications, some say the herbs can cause complications. so which do you choose.

i've always leaned towards the natural side of things, but the naturals haven't been tested in pregnancy like the drugs have...i found a heartburn tea this morning...but it contains marshmallow root...a herb that has had contraindications...but to what extent? if i have a cup a day would it be ok? would it be better than a heartburn drug?

i want proof. which is better. i'm tired of opinions, i need proof. i can't be blase about the health of this child when i've already lost a child. every thing is so confusing. i know a lot of people who take raspberry leaf and it's probably safe, although i'v…

i don't understand people

today someone walked up to me and said 'i liked your old hair.' this was the first time she had seen me with my new, shorter do. 'i liked your old hair.' what does that mean? why not just walk up to me and say, 'wow, kim. that hair style looks like crap!' i just don't get people. it's ok if you don't like some one's new hair style. you don't have to make a comment. didn't your momma ever teach you that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? it wasn't a big deal. i wasn't hurt, i was just shocked. i like my hair and that's what matters...it was just such a silly comment.

then...

steve called me...when he was at the speedway in front of lowes getting soda for fight club tonight, someone hit his car and took off. crunched the bumper and now it's all loose i guess. i still haven't seen it. but again, what with people? how do you just slam into some one's car and take off? i just don'…

mongolian barbecue

steve and i met my brother at bd'smongolianbbq for an indoor tailgate this afternoon. i love that place. it's a bit on the pricey side for my standard, so we don't go there too much...but i do enjoy it. i only get the 1 bowl thing, but i still always over eat...it's the tortillas they give you. i can't stop. so now, i'm sitting here in pain. i hate the feeling of over eating. ugh. i have to remember this feeling the next time i get the urge to eat there.

steve's at the game...so maybe i'll just sleep the pain off...

lessons learned

when you're pregnant and hungry, don't walk through the food aisle in target. i went in to get a birthday present and hair care products...i left with a hannah montana jewelry box, moose, hair spray...and... mozzarella sticks and chocolate covered cookies. oye.

sweet love story

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so my boss changed my hours at work again yesterday. i'll be working every monday and tuesday now...which will be nice to have 2 'solid' days rather than switching them up every week, but the crummy part is that they are both late days. one day i'll work till 5:30...the other until 6:30...and the 6:30 day is in hastings so i won't even get home until 7:30.

but the thing that's frustrating, is that they're still coming to me every week asking me to switch around my hours. as if they think that all i do is sit around the house doing nothing. it's frustrating. i don't understand how a company can think that they can change your work days every week and toy around with your schedule whenever they want. it's incredibly frustrating. and what's more frustrating...they never ask. my boss didn't come to me to ask me if i could change my work days to monday and tuesday. i was just told. plain and simple.

i'm counting my days there. n…

homeless mi mom gives birth to triplets

i just heard on the radio that there was a women in michigan who gave birth to triplets. she's homeless. homeless. she has nothing to support these babies. people from all over are helping this women out. it's cool to see people actually helping someone. but if i'm being completely honest, i have to admit that this story pulls at my heart. it pulls at my faith. it makes me think of Jorai. i know it's wrong to question God, for we don't know all His plans, yet there is still this nagging question of why. why take my baby away when we can provide very well for her, yet give someone 3 babies who can only walk the street. she has no home. the babies are already sick...who knows what their nutrition is and what their future will be. how can something like this happen. why does God take a financially secure, emotionally secure, healthy, loving and faithful couple's baby away, yet give someone who can't afford, clothes, housing, food...you name it, 3…

a november Christmas

we're celebrating Christmas with my family the day after thanksgiving. it was actually my idea...my rents are out of town until the 3rd weekend of december and that weekend my niece will be up at her biological dad's...then both steve and i and my brother and his family will be at the in-laws on Christmas weekend...and then my folks take off for arizona...so this was the next best thing.

but it feels so strange. i don't mind celebrating on a different day, but a part of me doesn't feel the 'Christmas spirit'. but then i think, exactly what is the Christmas spirit? although i try to focus on Christ and make sure that He is the center of my Christmas, i have to admit that i like the commercial hoopla involved around the holidays as well. i mean, i don't like all the commercialism...but i like the lights and sounds and smells. i like the vibration in the crowds. i like that hum of excitement and family time and yummy food and drink and the smells of swee…

'ventless' gas fireplace

we need help with our fireplace. it's ventless. it was installed incorrectly a year ago, so we've never been able to properly use it. and now i really want to. and i want to feel comfortable in using it. we've tried to get someone over to see it, but it's all been without luck. either people think we don't know what were talking about, or don't believe us...i don't know. but we need someone to come fix it and make sure it's properly installed. does anyone know someone who can help? does anyone know someone with gas fireplace experience? we bought the thing on-line, which we now know was a mistake. we should have paid top dollar and went through a fireplace store, so they could have installed it. lessons learned..

but if anyone knows someone...please email or call me. we need help.

a fortune tellers prediction

i had another super crazy, all night, vivid pregnancy dream last night. i've been having them most nights, but last night amongst a whole slew of drama i won't get into, i met a fortune reader. she told me that my husband and i were going to have twins.

when i told steve about it today he thought i said that i pulled some random ladies finger and she told me i was having twins...which would have made an even crazier dream!

but yeah...twins...i'm thinking that's not going to happen this time around. but i think it would be kinda cool. kinda scary...but kinda cool. i think i would have gained weight by now if i were having twins though...and only one baby was seen at my ultrasound...although the nurse did say that twins are easy to miss at this stage. guess we'll see in the near future just how truthful pregnancy dreams...and fortune tellers are...
steve and i are meeting with a doula on the 20th. my friends have said that it may be a good thing for us to have one at our birth. they may be able to relieve some of our anxieties and relax us. stephanie found one that offers free services to women who have gone through a loss like mine. what an amazing service. how beautiful. i'm not sure what having a doula actually entails...and i originally just wanted it to be steve and i at the birth...but i think this is a good thing. i can't wait to meet them.

so i'll be 10 weeks on monday. i past the 8 week milestone. so that's cool. i guess miscarriages decrease after the 8th week...of course it could still happen...but it's a milestone. so that's cool. also, the baby is no longer an embryo! we've now got a little fetus within me. so cool.

i'm feeling ok. still exhausted and a bit of nausea...heartburn and asthma...but it's a lot better than a few weeks ago. so that's good. i have anot…

craving

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i'm craving a super naughty ooey-gooey sticky cinnamon bun...with icing...oye
i found this site while looking for a nice picture....a great baking blog for all my baking friends out there. super yummy!!

http://garlicpress.wordpress.com/category/baking/
i have a quandary. mozilla keeps freezing on my mac. i've deleted it and re-installed it...but it still happens. when i use safari, there's a lot of functions that aren't supported...like google docs and certain functions of blogspot...and gtalk doesn't work...which i don't use often, but it's nice.

so i don't know what to do. i've been using safari, but i continually have to switch to mozilla. in fact today i was on the eriv site praying for people and i wanted to send a quick prayer message...that doesn't work on safari either. oye...any suggestions from the mac folks out there?

posting spree

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i never knew there were so many to choose from...check out these off the cuff shirts...yeah, i'd probably never sport one...but thinking of them make me feel better!!













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hooligans

tonight
5:30
houlihan'sin the lansing mall
$5 apps
1/2 off house cocktails, draft beer & house wine
steve and i'll be there if any one's interested in joining us...i promise not to be as snarky as my last post suggests i am!

tee-shirt

i'm thinking of making some new tee-shirts...what do you think?

1. NO I HAVEN'T 'POPPED' YET! THANKS FOR ASKING!

2. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I STARED AT YOUR BELLY?
or last, the nastier version...

3. NO I HAVEN'T 'POPPED' YET! THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT!seriously, what's up with people walking up to me with a big smile, looking at my belly and telling me how big my belly is getting or that i've 'popped'. i haven't even gained 1 pound...depending on the day, i've lost weight, but i haven't gained any. and don't you realize that i had a baby 5 months ago...and for the past 2 i've been pregnant? so i only had 3 months to 'get my body back in shape'. oye! i'm sorry i'm going off on all of you, but sometimes i just need to get it off my chest, and if nothing else, maybe you'll learn how better to approach a pregnant woman. ok so...

1. the belly is off limit. unless you're super close or …

documentary night